Scream Queens “Chanel Pour Homme-icide” Review (Season 2 Episode 5)

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After about a month-long hiatus due to the World Series and- far scarier than anything on this show- the election, “Scream Queens” was back with a vengeance and a whole lot of murder, in “Chanel Pour Homme-icide.” Basically, the episode dealt with the fall-out of the Halloween incident, which, as it turned out, had only just gotten started with the attacks on Chanel #5 and Denise. We also finally discovered who the mystery child was, though no one else did, as of yet.

We picked up where we left off last week, with the girls hearing Chanel #5’s cries for help and rushing to find her, only to see a basically dead Denise lying there, which received all the attention instead of poor Chanel #5, who was left hanging while they dealt with Denise. Naturally, Munsch’s immediate reaction was to cover the incident up by dumping Denise in the swamp, but when they returned to the main area of the hospital, they discovered that literally everyone else there had been murdered, making a cover-up a big no-go.

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Instead, Munsch recruited Zayday to simply postpone the inevitable FBI involvement by stashing Denise in a cryogenic chamber that Munsch had purchased with the Radwell money, with the intention of stashing herself in it, should they not be able to cure her kuru disease in time to save her from dying. Munsch said that Denise was essentially brain-dead, though not completely dead per se, so her resuscitation might be a possibility on down the line, if, as Munsch states, they can “find a cure for electrocution.” (I suspect they will, eventually.)

Oddly, instead of what Munsch feared- that the murders would be bad publicity that resulted in their having to close the hospital down- they actually had the opposite effect, and resulted in patients with weird ailments flooding in. These included: Marguerite Honeywell (Andy Erikson, “Last Comic Standing”), who had Marfan Syndrome; Daria Janssen (Riley McKenna Weinstein), who had Moebius Syndrome; and most amusingly, Penelope Hotchkiss (Mary Birdsong, “Reno 911”), a United Nations employee with Foreign Accent Syndrome.

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The latter syndrome proved contagious, leading to Dr. Holt, Dr. Cascade and Chanel #3 to speak in a revolving series of bad accents throughout the episode. Birdsong’s, on the other hand, were pretty spot-on, it must be said. Beyond that, Lourd did a halfway decent British accent and Stamos did okay with a German one, but the rest (especially Lautner’s) were pretty bad, albeit in an amusing way, and perhaps somewhat intentionally so, overall.

This latter bit of business was amusingly attributed to Madonna Syndrome, which is where people adopt accents to fit in and up the likelihood of penetration amongst a new crowd. Steroids were used to cure what ailed Hotchkiss, while a heavy dose of American accent-heavy movies (but not the TV show, “The Americans,” lol) were the prescription for the rest. Will the killer consider this grounds enough to kill the whole lot of them? We shall see, but not on this episode.

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Meanwhile, as Chanel #5 healed from her attack, the other Chanels were demoted to “bedpan duty,” amongst other horrific stuff, much to their chagrin. To get out of it, while also hopefully taking themselves off the hit-list, Chanel came up with a seemingly foolproof plan to evade premature death: recruit more girls to be Chanels. After drafting Marguerite and Daria to the cause, Chanel opted for the desperate measure of involving their #1 stalker, Tristan St. Pierre (Pablo Castelblanco, “Solver”), an obsessive fan given to writing lesbian-themed fan-fiction about the girls!

When Munsch got wind of the move, she also got in on the fun, drafting three more girls: Addison (Moira O’Neill, “Major Crimes”), a “semi-professional Dungeonmaster”; Andrea, who had no kidneys, but 30 extra feet of large intestine (!); and Midge (Cathy Marks, “Unadulterated”), who had eleven fingers. All together, the girls served as Chanels #6-11, with Tristan, as a gay man, earning the special distinction of “Chanel Pour Homme”- hence the title. Also in regards to the episode title, Tristan didn’t last too long, as he fell prey to the primary Chanels’ trap to lure the killer into taking out one of the others first.

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To be fair, the trap was actually intended for Daria, but when Tristan heard there was a pricey gift involved, he swooped in and took over, resulting in his getting killed instead of her, ending up with his insides on the outside in amusingly gruesome fashion. Also a problem: the realization of the Chanels that, if you’re going to set a trap, you should, you know, have someone there to trap the killer, not just lure someone to their death. Oops!

Also not faring well was new recruit Chanel #11, aka Midge, who was first overjoyed when the Green Meanie lopped off her extra digit, only to find herself on the wrong end of not one, but two machetes. So, I guess we’re down to four “extra” girls, assuming that the others don’t run for the hills after realizing that they are essentially “human shields.” (Marguerite didn’t seem too worried about it, but then again, look at the size of her!)

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In other developments, Munsch attempted to fire Nurse Hoffel (Kirstie Alley), only to find out that Hoffel knew her secret. Threatening to expose Munsch’s case of kudu to the rest of the world, Hoffel’s firing proved short-lived, as Munsch had no choice but to allow her to stay on. But will she last long, now that Munsch knows she knows about her? We shall see.

Also, Zayday and Chanel #5 attempted to find out who the baby born in 1985 was, with Zayday convinced it must be Chamberlain (James Earl), especially after she discovered that Munsch never hired him as a candy striper, which was awfully suspicious, to say the least. At first, her suspicions seemed dubious, when they saw that the mother of the child in question, Jane Hollis (Trilby Glover, “Crash: The TV Series”), who proved to be white, but then Chanel #5 spotted a picture of her late black husband and their suspicions were on again.

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However, Chamberlain insisted that he simply volunteered for the position unasked because he lived nearby and the hospital was the most accessible to him, and that he loved what he did. Though not entirely enough for Zayday to write him off completely, we saw at the end of the episode that the child in question was, in fact, none other than Dr. Cascade, which is what I figured, anyway.

Jane tells her son what happened with the visiting girls and he says he’ll “take care of it,” so we’ll see what that means next week, I assume, as the preview says that the killer (or one of them, at least) will be revealed in the next episode. That was basically it for this episode; though, obviously, it was a lot to take in, between all the deaths and the new characters. Tristan and Midge, we hardly knew ye.

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After the heaviness of the last week or so, it was nice to be able to check one’s brain at the door and enjoy some unfiltered silliness for around forty-five minutes, I must say. The revolving-door-of-accents conceit was a lot of fun, as was the notion of recruiting more Chanels for “cannon fodder.” The body count was also spectacularly high, given the secondary hospital massacre, as well as the deaths of Tristan, Midge, and the “maybe” death of Denise. (I think Denise will be back, personally.)

I also remain amused by the much put-upon Chanel #5, who can’t seem to catch a break, even when she’s been potentially stabbed to death. It was a touch of genius to have her literally stuck in a perpetually supplicant “why me?” pose, after her attack landed her in double arm casts. I also loved that Chanel can always hear her screams of pain, calling out to her like a beacon, no matter where she is, and that Chanel had her taken out of the ICU so that she could have Chanel #5 close by when she wanted to verbally abuse her! Lol. Poor thing.

Oddly, as much as I enjoyed this episode, there wasn’t that much in the way of music and quotes this week, so we’ll keep those sections brief. All in all, this was a fun episode that moved like lightning and stuffed a lot in for such a short running time. As ever, we’ll end on the music and quotes!

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Song List

“Dancing in Heaven”– Q-Feel (during the girls’ hospital slumber party)

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Favorite Quotes

Chanel #3, explaining how Chanel could hear Chanel #5’s cries from across the hospital, during a party: “She’s drawn to Chanel #5’s pain, like a shark to blood in the water. She’s developed a fine-tuned addiction to it.”

Munsch, on Denise’s fate, to the Chanels: “I love Denise as much as I love the rest of you…which is admittedly not that much.”

Dr. Holt, on Munsch’s downstairs situation: “She’s rocking a full Kojak down there.”

Dr. Holt, on Munsch in bed: “The sex was exquisite. I mean, the best I’ve had since I spent the weekend with Sean Young right at the beginning of her crazy phase.”

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Chanel, on her family line: “We have been genetically perfected over centuries of ordering people around to be good at only one thing: ordering people around.”

Chanel, on why she’s recruiting new “Chanels”: “If I learned anything from surviving the last serial killer that tried to kill us, it’s that you always need a group of less attractive, less popular, less interesting people around for the killer to kill before you.”

Chanel #5, on why she’s at home, instead of in the ICU: “Oh, I was, until Chanel wheeled me in here. But then she told me that I was more convenient to insult [here].”

A loopy Chanel #5, during an talk with Jane at her house, upon realizing she has tea to drink: “Um, I’m pretty sure I ordered coffee.”
Zayday: “You didn’t order anything. This is a home, not a restaurant.”

Zayday, confronting Chamberlain about volunteering unasked at the hospital: “You’re a real freak, you know that?”
Chamberlain: “Okay, hold on. Many men enjoy light butt play during sex, alright? Doesn’t make us freaks. I am as God made me!”

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That’s all she wrote for now- see you next week!