Scream Queens “Dorkus” Review (Season 1 Episode 12)

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On the penultimate episode of “Scream Queens,” we picked up right where we left off, as Pete confessed his part in the Red Devil murders, in “Dorkus.” In my predictions last week, I suggested that maybe he had actually camouflaged himself in the Red Devil costume and infiltrated the ranks to kill off Boone and Gigi once he discovered they were a part of it- though I stopped short of labeling him the unidentified twin, which was allegedly female.

That turned out to be only partially the case, as, in fact, Pete hadn’t just discovered of Boone and Gigi’s involvement, but joined their crusade somewhat willingly, partially in order to save his skin when they cornered him, but also because he wanted to find out who the remaining killer was.

In addition, as revealed in his spiel to Grace, he flat-out thought a lot of the victims deserved what they got, citing that “104 and counting” people had died as a result of fraternity/sorority hazing gone wrong since 1970. Not sure if that’s true, but, if so, that’s kind of an alarming statistic.

Pete copped to killing Roger as he made out with Chanel #5 at the Kappa House by way of a secret passage, much to Grace’s horror. Granted, as he pointed out, she not only actively plotted to take out Dean Munsch herself, but as we saw in a flashback, told Pete that “maybe the Red Devil has the right idea.” Still, saying something like that and actually doing it are wholly different things, so Grace saw right through Pete’s attempts to justify his actions.

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Pete also confessed to killing Boone, who did the lion’s share of the bloodshed, according to him, which was later somewhat verified in the following episode, as well as to shooting Chanel and the security guard with a crossbow at the mall. Pete resented Chanel because she’d led him on sometime ago before Grace arrived on campus by getting him to participate in a little “Clan of the Cave Bear” (!) cosplay, only to pull the rug out from underneath him when it was revealed to be a prank for the benefit of her and the other Chanels.

Grace was ready to hightail it out of there, for obvious reasons, when Pete stopped her by saying he had indeed found out the identity of the other killer, and that it was one of her sorority sisters, as well as the other “baby in the bathtub” twin, as she had suspected. He had collected DNA samples on the fly from all of the Kappas and had them tested and discovered that the killer was, in fact…and enter the Red Devil, who promptly took out Pete before he could say, then knocked out, but didn’t kill Grace.

After that, we cut to Chanel, where we discovered the contents of her email to her sisters, which she had only sent to her four sorority sisters (I guess Grace was not deemed worthy enough), but which the Red Devil sent out to all of her contacts. The end result was her becoming a social pariah on campus, in a plot machination clearly inspired by a similar email sent by a sorority girl to her chapter a while back, which caused quite a stir in the media as well, not to mention some amusing interpretations, including this hilarious one from actor Michael Shannon. (I quoted liberally from Chanel’s down below in the quotes section.)

Beaten down by her accusers, Chanel attempts to kill herself via an asp that she got via mail order online, so that she can “die like Cleopatra.” Alas, it turns out to be a garter snake in a sweater! A short pep talk from Zayday later and Chanel is back to join forces with her sisters to seek out the killer once and for all, which doesn’t end up taking long, as he comes in and immediately tries to kill them.

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Except that it’s not really the killer, of course, but someone who the killer has blackmailed into trying to kill them all or he/she will detonate a bomb strapped to him and kill him instead. Enter Hester, who informs them that she was accosted by a heavily-scarred, shawl-wearing woman with a shovel shouting something about a “dork.” Could it be the elusive Melanie Dorkus (Brianne Howey), for whom this episode was partially named?

There wasn’t much time to determine it one way or another, as the erstwhile pizza delivery guy informed them of his calamity, giving them just enough time to get the hell out of the way before he promptly exploded! Yep, it was kind of awesome. I dug the little “Devil laugh” that rang out before the bomb went off as well.

Afterwards, Chanel put two and two together and made the Dorkus connection and decided to go on a so-called “apology tour,” to salvage her injured rep, starting with Melanie, who she assumed still blamed her for the tanning incident long ago, even though she continued to maintain her innocence in the matter. (Loved Chanel #5’s increasing hysterics at the beginning of this scene. That poor girl has really gone through the wringer on this show, am I right?)

Upon waking up from the Red Devil attack, Grace went to her father, who wanted to go to the police, but, as Grace pointed out, “Denise would probably only arrest Zayday again.” Instead, she came up with an alternate plan to smoke out the killer- Wes would have to “take one for the team” and seduce and hook up with Dean Munsch while she and Zayday looked for clues as to the identity of the remaining twin girl.

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So, that’s exactly what he did, in what has to be the most awkward, uncomfortably hilarious seduction scene ever- set to Roxette’s “Listen to Your Heart,” no less. (In addition, the playlist Wes made was called “Doin’ the Dean”- lol.) I also loved that Wes wasn’t exactly the buffest specimen in the world, slightly overweight and clad in his black speedos, and actually making me feel halfway decent about myself in the process. I might not be CW-ready, but I think I can at least hang with Oliver Hudson’s physique, such as it is!

Cut to the Chanels, sans Hester, paying a visit to Melanie’s mansion, whose only companions besides her butler were the “large angry Mastiffs that patrol the corridors.” Honestly, it’s perfectly nutty touches like that that make me love this show. As the others did that, as it turned out, Hester used the golden opportunity to raid the Chanels’ massive closet for stuff, knowing they would be occupied.

Meanwhile, Grace and Zayday went through the Chanels’ files on Dean Munsch’s laptop, looking for suspicious courses and the like. They discovered that someone- who, we didn’t find out until later- took a class on “Domestic Terrorism” (another wacky class to add to the list of previously alluded to ones on other episodes), but couldn’t bring herself to dissect a pig, which effectively eliminated her from the mix, as Zayday deduced that, if she couldn’t do that, she couldn’t saw off someone’s arms. Of course, it could well have been Boone who did that- and as we later found out, it was- but neither of them thought of that at the time.

This might have actually been a subtle allusion to “American Horror Story: Coven” and Lily Rabe’s character, who also had trouble on the dissection front, which cost her big-time at one key point in the series. As that season is the one that “Scream Queens” most resembles, I’m guessing that wasn’t a coincidence.

The same person took sewing classes and human anatomy, which could also come in handy. But the truly damning evidence came in her background, which featured a fake social security number, a previous address listed as being on “Sesame Street,” and, in my favorite joke, that she attended school at “Sweet Valley High,” in the same font as that much-beloved book/TV series, no less. Needless to say, her entire history was fake, making it a pretty good chance that she was hiding something sinister in her background-like being the twin sister they were looking for- or so they thought. But who was the culprit?

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As the other Chanels headed into to talk to Melanie, Chanel #5 excused herself because someone “swiped right” on her Tinder profile and wanted to meet and headed off to meet him back at Kappa, with a decidedly dubious look back at the girls as Chanel dismissed her with her usual aplomb. Was she the twin sister, as I predicted in my last review?

After an amusing conversation between Chanel and Chanel #3 about which horror icon the disfigured Melanie most resembled, including nods to Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees (and “Jason Goes to Hell,” no less, oft-thought to be the worst of the “Friday the 13th” movies by fans of the series) and even the “Toxic Avenger” (nice!), Chanel confronted her with a pair of scissors, accusing her of being the killer and stabbing blindly at her, while Chanel #3 filmed the action.

Fortunately for her, Grace and Zayday burst in at the last second, before Chanel could stab Melanie, declaring what they’d discovered in Dean Munsch’s files: that it was Hester who was almost certainly the Red Devil and the twin sister of Boone. So, the girls rush back to Kappa House and hear a scream and rush upstairs with various weapons in hand- well, weapons and a spatula, in Grace’s case!

They run into Chanel #5, who has been duped by her Tinder date, who turned out to be a cut-out picture of the “guy from Nickelback,” who Chanel determines is 60 and Canadian, which one assumes makes him less than worthy dating material. Well, that and being the guy from Nickelback, of course. Although we did discover that Chanel #3 lost her virginity while listening to the band- not a great way to go, definitely. Maybe she should have borrowed one of Wes’ playlists instead- it was no great shakes, to be sure, but at least there was Heart.

The girl rush to the closet, where they discover Hester lying there with a stiletto heel embedded in her eye socket. But if she’s not the killer, who is? We don’t have to wait long, as Hester, once again, revives from the realm of the not-so-dead and subsequently declares her attacker is…none other than Chanel #5. Called it!

Or did I? Yep, as we soon discover in the second episode of the evening, things are not what they seem. Oh well. I suppose I would have actually been more disappointed if I had been right about everything than if I were wrong, so I’m actually good with it not being Chanel #5 after all. As to the real culprit, join me in my review of the following episode, “The Final Girl(s)” for the big reveal.

As ever, we end my recap with a look back at my fave quotes, and this time, there were plenty. Enjoy!

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Favorite Quotes:

Grace, to Pete, after his confession, in which he pretentiously quotes Nietzsche: “Seriously? You’re already a murderer, Pete; you don’t have to be a douche as well!”

Chanel, in her note: “Attention all useless Kappa sluts- Congratulations! If you’re reading this, it means you’ve overcome the limitations of your tiny manatee brains and opened an email. Now, if you’re asking yourself, ‘derrr, wait, I’m confused, is Chanel talking to me? Am I a useless Kappa slut?’ simply ask yourself the following question aloud: “Is my name Chanel #3, Chanel #5, Chanel #6 or Zayday Williams?” Because if the answer to that is yes, then felicitations, this missive is for you.”

Chanel, continuing, in her note: “Do you remember any aspect of this super simple plan? That’s not a rhetorical question. I’m literally asking if your tiny slut brains have the power to process any of my super simple orangutan-level instructions!”

Chanel, more note insanity: “I don’t entirely know what you whores could have been doing that was more important than helping your chapter president drown a serial killer, but unless that thing you were doing was getting enemas of pure liquid gold at a new local establishment called Liquid Gold Colonics for Young Sluts, like if you were doing literally anything else, you all should seriously consider doing the human race a favor and getting sterilized. I’m not being facetious. I literally think you should consider undergoing a surgical procedure to remove your ovaries, thereby sparing the human race exposure to your DNA.”

FOX News headline: “Is President Obama a total div?”

Chanel’s statement to the press: “To all the so-called mainstream media, including weird websites that nobody has heard of who have used my name as click-bait, and to all the relentless unwashed hordes on Twitter, who have taken every opportunity to mock and attack me mercilessly from the safety of their stained futons, I offer the following heartfelt sentiment: You can all suck it!”

Chanel, trying to get the girls to focus on what’s “really important”: “Listen, ever since Zayday saved my life from the fake asp I ordered online, I’m a changed woman. Like, I get now that other people have feelings, and that words, they’re like weapons or something.”

Chanel, on how to elude the killer, who she thinks is Boone: “If we don’t want him to kill us, we just have to avoid places where gay people go. So, like, behind every Bennigan’s.”

Chanel, on how to repair her damaged reputation: “I need to go on an apology tour. You know, like celebrities, when they say something offensive, they just go on TV and apologize and everybody forgives them, even though they don’t mean it at all.”

Grace, stating the obvious: “You can’t kill people from a loving and positive place.”

Wes, on Grace’s choice in boyfriend: “Pete was a good guy. Solid, hardworking, handsome, and yes, I’m glad he wasn’t your first, but aside from the in-cahoots-with-killers thing, I think you made a good choice when you considered him.”
Grace: “Invasion of the Dad Bod Snatchers! Who are you?”

Wes, offering up ideas on how to smoke out the remaining killer: “Lie detectors? Waterboarding? If it’s good enough for the CIA, it’s good enough for me… Ok, I have a better idea: why don’t we lock ourselves in here, and then we just wait for the killer to kill the other four…?”

Dean Munsch, after Wes tells her she was the best sex of his life: “Well, uh, seeing as you remained celibate for the full 18 years, and then decided to re-pop your cherry with the most mentally ill woman on campus, I’m gonna take that with a grain of salt. I think you’re just relieved to find out that intercourse doesn’t have to be followed by hours and hours of crying and a weird purchase of an engagement ring.”

Melanie, identifying Chanel’s presence: “I know [it’s you]. I recognize the Island Splash scent of that douche you use.”

Chanel, on Hester being the killer: “I knew that bitch was a nut burger the minute I met her. It’s like, who wears a neck brace like that in 2015? You know, who are you? Forest Gump?”

All in all, a great, fun episode that kept you guessing, right up until the very end. But would the big finale deliver the goods, too? I’ll see you for review #2, which can be found here, to find out!