Sirens (USA) Review “Alcohol Related Injury’

Sirens (USA) Episode 5 Alcohol Related Injury (4)

This was an extremely slight episode of Sirens, but a fun one none the less. Let us discuss the plotty business so that we can get down to the fun stuff: after a particularly fun drunken hookup, Theresa proposes a no strings attached sex arrangement to Johnny. Every guy’s dream, right? Not for Johnny and his little taco (or was it soft taco…so many hilarious vagina descriptors in this episode, I lost track). He wants to be casual sex guy, but he also wants sandwiches and text messages. He probably wants cuddling too even if he doesn’t verbalize it because for all of his insecurities, Johnny is in love with Theresa and he is not down with getting a pop on the butt and a bottle of water after great sex.

Hilariously, he thinks he is that guy, but he has to lean on Hank to keep him strong. This culminates in a terrific drunken 25-minute sex-a-thon with Theresa where he does his business, pops her on the butt and leaves just like she wanted him to. Hank’s Yoda skills seem to pay off until he drops a drunk Johnny off at his apartment and then has to wrestle him to the street in order to keep Johnny from texting Theresa. The physical comedy was laugh out loud good, and when it ended with Johnny’s phone falling down a sewer grate? Priceless. The fact that it immediately started ringing was an added bonus.

Elsewhere, we discovered Brian has an EMT bucket list. This prompts his fellow EMTs to all tease him about his various wishes, like resuscitating a drug addict using the method demonstrated in Pulp Fiction and delivering a baby. The scenes where all of the EMTs sit around and talk about nothing or just rag on each other are the best parts of the show. Mind you, I have yet to memorize any of the other characters’ names; instead, I just think if them as a chorus of awesome.

Brian checks two items off his list this week: his Pulp Fiction fantasy (which ends in vomiting and his phone being stolen by the addicts, but he is Brian, so he is cool with that) and an impaling. Well, a mild impaling that happens as a result of a Jarting incident. Yes, Jarting. I didn’t know that was a thing, but it looked both fun, dangerous and like the kind of sport that shouldn’t be mixed with alcohol. The guys showed up to find a Jarting victim so drunk he was completely unfazed by the giant dart sticking out of his back.

Again, this was not a plot heavy episode like last week’s. In fact, most of the final act was just Johnny and Theresa having sex all over her apartment, but the show’s sense of humor has polished up nicely. Just look at the pickle tossing scene in the beginning, it is completely random, but so funny. Certain beats may be predictable, but the actors mesh so well that they even make the jokes we see coming work. I would like next week to have a bit more meat–and a Hank-centric story (this is my new mantra)–but watching “Alcohol Related Injury” was a great way to spend 30 minutes.

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