The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Review “Rescue Me”

In the latest episode of “The Vampire Diaries,” Caroline and Enzo, aka the “Atlanta Assassination Squad,” continued their hunt for one Tom Avery, aka Stefan’s doppelganger, and the last thing standing in the way of the Travelers and whatever their ultimate goal is. They kill him, and Stefan goes free- or so they claimed, in the aptly-titled “Rescue Me.” (Cue “Rescue Me” song of choice. Myself, I went with this one, but this one is probably more apropos and kudos to you if you thought of this one, or even this one. Moving on…)

I loved the Atlanta in-jokes early on. Of course, the show shoots in that area, but I myself used to live there as well, so I had to chuckle when Enzo termed it “a city full of freeways, fried green tomatoes and terrible drivers” and lamented how “every other street in this blasted city is Peachtree.” Enzo, you ain’t never lied. So true. Atlanta, I loves ya, but you people need to learn to drive, please. And label streets with more variety.

As Enzo and Caroline, the “perky blonde angel of death,” set about puzzling out the Peachtrees, Damon and Elena faced a horror of a different kind of stripe: the P/T conference. Yikes! Talk about a fate worse than sorting out Atlanta’s freeways. I loved the look on Elena’s face when it was revealed that Jeremy’s named guardian was actually not her, but Damon. Awkward!

Back in Hotlanta, Enzo and Caroline track down Avery to a house, which is guarded by a witch named Hazel- yes, yes, I know, loyal readers- a bit on the nose there, “TVD.” In the coolest death I’ve seen lately this side of Daryl using a zombie as a golfing tee on “The Walking Dead” a few episodes back, Enzo promptly took her out with…wait for it…a flying doorknob. Enzo’s starting to grow on me.

Not so much on Caroline, least of all with comments from Enzo like: “Ah, modern women. All bosom, no mystery. Present company excluded.” Charming! So, to that end, Caroline absconds with Avery, planning to send him on his way, not having the heart to off him as needed. Re-enter Enzo, who sends Avery on his merry way, permanently, and them back to the Travelers, where they renege on the deal and refuse to let Stefan go just yet.

At least not before they can do their pseudo-witchy spell and kill themselves with fire. Don’t you hate it when you’re trying to sleep and the Travelers wake you up with all that chanting? I mean, couldn’t it wait until morning? I mean, really. Have some respect.

After that, it was into Bonnie they went, subsequently forming a shadowy male figure who exited stage left as poor Bonnie suffered the after-effects of a mass death-a-palooza and passed out. Not sure what the what is going on, but if I had to guess, it would be that the Travelers were forming some sort of super soldier-type to take on the witches. You know, like this.

Well, of all people, it was Jeremy that stepped up to the plate, making witchy Liv an offer she and her brother, Luke couldn’t refuse: Tyler, Matt and he would see to it that Elena was protected if they backed off trying to kill her, and let them know if the Traveler was about to hit the fan, as they have no effect on him, mind-control wise. Not that they had much choice at the time, but they agreed and Team Jeremy was born, and Jeremy was moving in with them to boot, like it or not Elena, because he’s a man now, sister!

I actually liked a lot of the way things are coming together with this new plot. After all the set-up and rigmarole, it was clear everything was coming to a head, plot-wise, and no minute too soon, as things were getting a bit shaky, post-Katherine. Call me crazy, but maybe this whole Traveler scheme has something to do with resurrecting Katherine yet again, only even more evil and hell-bent than ever before, sort of like semi-similar shenanigans on “Supernatural” or “Buffy.” (Try saying that last part three times really fast- it’s fun!)

If not, then I guess it’s all about the Travelers trying to take the power back from the witches, who they apparently object to for poisoning the land against them or something like that. So, not unlike things over on “The Originals,” the witches are in control for now- but for how long?

This was a fun, well-scripted episode with lots of quotable material. In addition to the stuff already mentioned, Damon got off some good ones as well, including his comment to Liv after she went into explanation mode with Elena instead of cutting to the chase. “If you’re gonna show up to kill someone, don’t waste time feeling bad about it.” Later on, he warned her not to try anything witchy, because “Spoiler alert: It’s gonna be me” who breaks her neck. LOL.

Granted, there was a whole lot of set-up going on here, but at least it’s finally going somewhere. We already knew that Bonnie’s state post-death was going to come into play, and that the Traveler thing wasn’t done. Now we know that Liz and Luke are both trying to stop it, although you’d think they’d have more back-up if it was that big of a deal. Hey, I hear they have some sharp witches in New Orleans! Don’t you guys watch “The Originals”?

Anyway, it should be interesting to see how all this plays out, but it looks we’re going to have to wait until April 14th to find out. (Speaking of “Buffy,” that’s Sarah Michelle Gellar’s birthday, don’t cha know?) Until then, I’ll see you on the vamp side. Feel free to make with the comments down below, “Vampire Diaries” fans!