American Horror Story: Coven Season 3 Review “Protect the Coven”

American Horror Story Season Episode 11 Protect the Coven (4)

Hell hath no fury like a Kathy Bates scorned! On the latest episode of “American Horror Story: Coven,” the Bates was back, and she had little or no interest to “Protect the Coven.” Rather, she had designs on getting back to her bad old habits of long, long ago, namely engaging in some torture that would make even Annie Wilkes herself cringe. Yep, it was hard not to think of Bates’ legendary, Oscar-winning role in “Misery” when she kidnapped that poor gardener, who had the misfortune to remind LaLaurie of the not-so-good old days, when she discovered her then-new “hobby,” torturing and terrorizing black servants in the attic.

This time around, she had an assist from the dearly departed Spalding, who returned to finagle LL for a doll he’d been aching to add to his collection, which isn’t creepy at all. As if that weren’t enough, he ultimately ended up kidnapping the baby Laveau absconded with from the hospital, though he can’t get too far with it, being trapped in the attic for life and all, so that probably won’t last too long. Still, the thought of this guy playing dollies with an actual baby was pretty icky.

That was hilarious that he duped LL with, of all things, Benadryl. Now there’s some product placement I can get behind: Benadryl, strong enough to knock a voodoo queen out- or at least help incapacitate her when combined with liquor and a wily butler at your disposal! Antihistamine for the win, though LL better plant Laveau somewhere sooner than later or she’ll come to regret that power play. I’m actually going to have to go with Team Laveau on this one, though. Granted, we don’t know the half of what she got up to in the past, but nasty, vicious, torturous racism tops…well, they did imply Laveau sacrificed babies to a voodoo God or whatever. So, maybe that one’s a bit of a draw. I guess we’ll see next week.

Hey, there’s still Queenie, who’s alive and kicking, yay! After surviving the self-inflicted silver bullet to the head that took out Hank, she was back, and toting LL on a leash, no less, which was too funny. Though she returned to the fold ostensibly, she was none too happy with Laveau for abandoning her, and had some choice words for Delia, as well, who I continue to feel bad for. I’m starting to hope she’s the Supreme. Especially after she was in such despair she stabbed her own eyes out. Yikes! (Though that was funny when Fiona postponed seeing her when she found out Delia might have her second sight back.)

One major adversary is down, at least for now: the witch hunters, who Fiona and her BFF, the Axeman chopped to bits, including Hank’s dad. Of course, they were planning to double-cross the witches eventually anyway, so you can’t blame Fiona for cutting off the heads of the snake entirely. I suspect that reinforcements will be along before it’s all over, though. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of the witch hunters.

Perhaps the most thankless storyline has to be Zoe and Kyle, who got on Madison’s bad side when they declared their love for one another and rejected her from the not-so-happy triad. Of course, Madison doesn’t really have a good side (“Have you met me?” she implored Zoe), but that’s why we fans love to hate her, right?

But honestly, Zoe’s arc is far and away the least compelling. I mean, she and Kyle ran off together to…wait for it…EPCOT. Seriously? Granted, it was kind of Myrtle’s doings, but what a perfectly vanilla place for a perfectly vanilla set of characters. (No offense to Disney World, which I like just fine, lol.) See you in Orlando, bitches.

The script by Jennifer Salt was filled to the brim with great dialogue, especially, as ever, from Madison. Emma Roberts must relish playing such an incredible witch bitch. She steals nearly every scene she’s in, to be sure. My favorite was her verbal showdown with Myrtle.

Myrtle: “You are the worst kind of Hollywood cliché: a bobble-head with crotchless panties.”
Madison: “And you’re a dried-up Hot Pocket- but I don’t judge.” (More ideally-perverse product placement!)

Madison: “Welcome to the revolution, Carrot Top. Crotchless panties for everyone!” LOL.

I also loved that she called Franken-Kyle a “Ken Doll.” Honestly, he and Zoe deserve each other. I hope that Emma Roberts and Evan Peters are a better couple in real life! They’re certainly unpredictable- first she’s decking him, then they’re getting married. Maybe someone put some real-life voodoo on those two!

Anyway, a great episode, albeit nothing was ever going to top Stevie Nicks last week, so I’m glad they took a deep breath before the big battle that is now inevitable. Of course, that’s a relative term for this show. After all, they did take out a bunch of witch hunters and a poor gardener, plus took Laveau down- for the time being, at least. Only two more episodes to go, and the big Seven Wonders trial yet to come, with the Supreme finally getting crowned. I stand by my support of Delia in that regard, and I hope she takes them all down, save Myrtle maybe. I’d miss the sweet dulcet tones of her Theremin.

How do you think the rest of “American Horror Story: Coven” will play out? Who will end up ruling the roost? Will Fiona betray the Axeman? Will LaLaurie get the best of Laveau or vice versa? Who will end up taking out Madison? (You just know someone will before this is all said and done.) How will Papa Legba figure into things? Will someone catch up to Zoe and Franken-Kyle? Do you care? Will Misty return? Sound off on this and anything else that strikes your fancy down below and I’ll see you next week!