Ravenswood Season 1 Review “Revival”

Ravenswood Episode 6 Revival (9)

Poor old Caleb barely had time to clear his tear-stained eyes from the preceding episode of “Pretty Little Liars,” before it was right back into the breach in the crazy town that is “Ravenswood,” for a “Revival” of insanity and ghostly romantic longings and killer scarecrows and ice-cream loving creepy little girls and what have you. Hey, who needs Hanna when you got a little ghost hottie on the side? (I kid, I kid. Save your comments, Ha-leb fans.)

Anyway, can I say how much I appreciated all that recap at the beginning of the episode? Because I don’t think I got the gist of half of that before, but now it all makes sense to me when it’s all laid out like that. So, what we’re basically looking at is a combination of something like “Final Destination” and “The Lottery” (that’s the old-school version of “The Hunger Games,” for you kids out there, or maybe “Battle Royale”– I forget), right? Gotcha. Thanks for clearing all that up.

So, basically, to put it in terms everyone can understand, the town made a pact to save any residents who went to war, in exchange for the deaths of five random teens. (Or perhaps not so random.) Only Caleb and company messed it up this time and only Miranda ended up dying, which means that four more still have to die, preferably the ones meant to in the first place, which is why freaky crap keeps happening to our main cast.

Meanwhile, Liv’s boyfriend, Dillon and his creepy little girl pal, Max, are in cahoots to try and help by…de-virginizing Liv? Not sure how that helps, unless it’s that old horror cliché of: if you have sex, you die almost immediately. Not that virgins always fare too well in horror movies, either, but final girls do tend to be, ahem, “pure.” Not that it helped poor Miranda. Hey, I didn’t make the rules.

There’s also the weirdness with the ghost combating Miranda, who is, of course, also a ghost. From the looks and sounds of things, said ghost must be a loved one of Mrs. Grunwald’s, attempting to protect her from the perceived threat of Miranda. Personally, I think that Collins’ hair jar thing is to keep the victims of the pact close because if they escape, it’s to nowhere good, as evidenced by what happened to Miranda when she did manage to get out when her previous hair jar smashed.

Note also that, in Remy’s dream (or flashback or whatever), the Collins company was present at the pact to collect the signed agreement, so clearly the Collins family is involved. I think the Collins family’s job in this is to ensure that the spirits of the pact victims never leave the grounds. Those who do manage to escape are then caught in some sort of weird netherworld, as evidenced by Max and Dillon, who I think died previously, but escaped the Collins grounds, and are now trying to help make sure the remaining four end up dead, too.

Once again, not sure where having sex accomplished this goal, but whatever works, I guess. Maybe having sex with a ghost brings you closer to death or something. Hey, look what happened to Ke$ha. She had to have that area exorcised. Although, this is Ke$ha we’re talking about, so it might not have been a bad idea in general. Caleb better watch his junk!

Other revelations: the walled-in couple was Esther, “old” Miranda’s mother, and Thomas, “old” Caleb’s father. Their diary had some potentially juicy info, but it went up in flames when Caleb said the name “Gabriel Abaddon” aloud. I know Gabriel’s an angel’s name, and not an uncommon one a preacher might use, but “Abaddon” sounded familiar, likely from “Supernatural,” so I looked that one up to be sure it was what I thought, and it is: a fallen angel, a la Satan, if not Satan himself- or the Antichrist, some say, aka the son of Satan. On “Supernatural,” it’s a hot redheaded she-demon, naturally. Gotta love them redheads.

So, a demon would definitely have the power to grant the sort of deal described here, and it makes sense that he would have some help, hence the team of three that help support and enforce any of the deals he makes. In short, it’s sort of a variation of the old “Crossroads”-type myth, where people literally make a deal with the devil, which is actually sort of neat. Maybe the funeral home team is made up of several fallen angels, including Satan himself? Why not?

Anyway, like where all this is headed thus far, and I appreciate them clearing everything up just before they dropped a lot more info on us in this episode. Bonus points for Remy’s wonderfully creep-tastic scenes, with the eyeball coffee (curse you, Starbucks!) and the angry scarecrow, among other intriguing visions. Liked the lucid dreaming angle- shades of the astral projection thing in “Insidious”- and I’m intrigued by the business with Dillon and Max: what’s all this about a “grinder”? It’s Starbucks, I tell you! Fight the real evil!

Ed’s note: TV Equals does not endorse the viewpoint that Starbucks is, in fact, evil, and likes their coffee just fine.

You see? They control all! Proof!

Oh well…you can’t fight the Man. But you can fight the Devil, at least. So, maybe there’s hope for these “Ravenswood” peeps yet. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some papers to sign. Something to do with Scarlett Johansson in exchange for some wounded squirrels or something. Oh wait, I blew it! It’s Ke$ha! I take it back, I take it back!

Ed’s note: This was the last post by Mr. Trammell before he was discovered ranting and raving about Starbucks and Ke$ha, for some reason. We hope to have him back in writing form by next week. Until then, by all means, sound off on “Ravenswood” below! That is all.