Once Upon a Time Season 3 Chat: The Neverland Survival Guide

Once Upon a Time Season 3 Episode 1 Heart of the Truest Believer (6)

Welcome to Neverland, Once Upon a Time fans! I think we are all going to enjoy are stay in Peter Pan’s enchanted jungle. It has all of the amenities: mermaids, Pixie Dust, homicidal Lost Boys…what more could we ask for? While I’m looking forward to plenty of adventures to come, I must admit this particular enchanted land is a bit dangerous. Okay, a lot dangerous, as in, we’re all going to die dangerous. Still, you can’t beat that view. With survival in mind, I’ve assembled a guide designed to keep the extended Charming family alive as they navigate Peter Pan’s digs.

Rule #1: Believe you can fly.

Imagination reigns supreme in Neverland, and belief is the number one key to surviving. Believe that the Pixie Dust will work and it will work, as Henry so bravely demonstrated when he took a literal leap of faith. Likewise, Emma took her own leap based on her heart rather than her head when she dived off the Jolly Roger to force her parents, Hook and Regina to work together. You might as well throw deduction right out the window the minute you set foot on Neverland’s sandy shores because it won’t do anyone any good.

Rule #2: Trust no one.

Mulder and Scully were right, the wisest philosophy is to question everyone’s motives. Particularly those who claim to be Lost Boys. If one offers help, run, don’t walk away from them. This is where Regina and Emma’s strengths are bound to come into play. Their natural wariness means they have no problem interrogating, manipulating or in Regina’s case obliterating the island dwellers.

Rule #3: Be kind to mermaids.

It’s unclear where their allegiances lie, but it’s best to be kind to mermaids. Perhaps everyone should carry a spork in their pockets as a peace offering? Otherwise, ships get capsized and emotional outbursts fuel storms. Besides, mermaids don’t scare easily, so it’s better to have them on your side than to have to spend all of your time worrying about them reporting back to Peter Pan.

Rule #4: Have a Lost marathon.

Don’t give me that look. Mysterious island? Check. Shut off from the rest of the world? Check. Emotional epiphanies? Triple check (the place has already made The Dark One cry and that was just moments after he had ripped a woman’s heart out, so make of that what you will). It’s only a matter of time before we stumble upon a hatch or Smokey flies by Hook’s handsome, handsome face, so we might as well reacquaint ourselves with the original wackadoodle island before we delve deep into the heart of magical darkness.

Rule #5: Listen to Emma.

She’s the leader now, guys. She said so and everything; plus, her superpower is motherhood. Also, she generally makes more sense than everyone else around her so I’m going to go ahead and give her taking the lead a thumb’s up. If she leads everyone into a crocodile den next week, then we can vote her off the island.

Rule #6: Find Tinkerbell.

Hey, that Pixie Dust had to come from somewhere, and Tink might just be on our side. Traditionally, she’s Pan’s BFF, but Once Upon a Time likes to give old tales new twists. That’s beside the point though, haven’t you always wanted to meet Tinker Bell? That’s what I thought.

#7: If you encounter Peter Pan, back away slowly.

Apparently, Pan isn’t the charming sprite from the storybooks. Instead of being a sweet, mischievous boy who never grew up, he’s a crazed man with a penchant for kidnapping children and stealing shadows. He is so scary that both Captain Hook and Rumplestiltskin are freaked out by him. He’s also deceptive and has nefarious plans for the world at large.

Making things even more difficult is the fact that Neverland is his homebase, which means the Charmings and company are on his turf, and this is one never-aging kid no one is going to want to tick off.

That’s the list as it stands now, but feel free to add your own rules in the comments, and don’t forget to sound off on how you’re liking Neverland so far.

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