The Client List Season 2 Review “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy”

On the latest episode of “The Client List,” we found out about Selena’s secret life- we all knew that was coming eventually, right? In the cheekily-titled “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy,” we found out that not only did she have a hubby stashed away elsewhere, much to everyone’s chagrin (save maybe “fun buddy” Derek), but a “child” as well. I say “child” in quotes, because, well, it was a horse, after all. Well, at least he’s not a “fun buddy”- this is a Lifetime show, not a Kevin Smith movie.

So, lest her ex go digging into her finances- and, by extension, The Rub’s- it was fire sale time, which meant letting go of some of her most prized girlie possessions, including her “Louie Boo-tans” (her pronunciation, not mine) and the purse she’d had since she, ahem, lost her virginity.

“Oh, so you’ve had that since you were fifteen?” swiped Riley, without skipping a beat.

In the end, she had to give up even more- her beloved Corvette, which I think it’s safe to say most guys would be a bit more sympathetic to. On a side note, you can get that much for old purses and the like? Maybe I shouldn’t throw away my ex’s stuff, after all…

I also liked the snark-off with her ex, Joey.
Joey: “Joey doesn’t disappear that easy.”
Selena: “Hmm. Kind of like an STD.”
Joey: “I got that treated.”
Riley: “Eew.”

Ugh. Mark hates it when people refer to themselves in the third person. If this guy should be treated for anything, it’s being a grade-A D-bag. What kind of guy sues for alimony anyway? Grow a pair, dude.

I also agree with Selena’s assessment of on the expense of a lawyer: “Those guys charge more than I do per hour.” Ain’t that the truth, and what you get is way less enjoyable than what I’m guessing you’d get in an hour with Selena.

Speaking of lawyers, Riley had a close encounter of the artistic kind with a client of that persuasion who was also looking to do a little sketching of her, which would be perfectly understandable, but I call shenanigans on the whole fully-clothed thing. I mean, not that I would expect Lifetime (or JLH, for that matter) to show anything of the sort, but come on. The guy’s paying for her time and he’s on the client list, so he’s not going to ask her to pose nude? Right. Dream on, Lifetime.

On another side note, this took me back to my art school days, in which I had to draw a model my own self. Guess what? She was nude, too- and volunteered for the job. Take that, Riley! I was actually there for film school, but we had to take art classes, too, and for one of them, I drew a sketch of, you guessed it, none other than the lovely Mrs. Hewitt. Of all the things I’ve misplaced over the years, that picture ranks with the ones I miss most.

As someone who doesn’t have a painterly bone in his body, it’s like one of the only good things I ever drew and it took me forever. I even had it framed. Then my car got repossessed and they took my art with it. Wa-wa-wa-wah. I’d have rather had the art back, honestly. The car was a piece of crap, so no big loss there. Where were we?

Let’s see. Um, Kyle inched his way back closer to being a part of Riley and his kids’ lives. He had a genuinely sweet scene with his son that was the most sympathetic he’s ever been. I think, much like Riley and Co. he also is having to win his way back into viewers’ hearts as well, which would make us sort of the surrogate Laceys of the world, I guess.

To that end, loved the scene with her giving Kyle the old what for, and her amusing frustration with the lack of sympathy in her feelings of mistrust- “Why is it that whoever I’m talking to seems to be the wrong person at that particular time?” Indeed. I’m still with her on that count. He’s gonna have to put forth a bit more effort before I’m okay with him being back with Riley, too.

Also, so underhanded, playing the old “band” card- everyone knows girls are powerless against a man with a guitar. At first, anyway. Have you ever lived with a musician? Not a fun time, and I speak from experience, let me tell you. Wonder if it’s the same way with female guitarists?

Oh well, it could be worse- it could be a drummer. (I kid, Dale, because I love- how great was it that he kept saying the absolute wrong thing to the wrong people all over this episode? Gotta love Greg Grunberg.)

I do like Evan and Shelby as a couple, though. They have a nice, easy chemistry together? I mean, come on: how charming was that “booty” banter? “If it’s the booty calling, it’s not a booty call,” said Shelby. Sounds good to me. That lovemaking montage set to ZZ Ward’s Charlie Ain’t Home was pretty steamy for Lifetime. Maybe they’ll have to change their name to Sexytime, lol.

Speaking of which, that closing montage was interesting, too. Kyle visiting Riley’s mom was admittedly nice as well. Damn, that guy doesn’t miss a beat, does he? Only on TV, that’s all I’m saying. And I got the giggles when that scene with Selena snuggling with Henry the horse made me think of that beer commercial at the Superbowl. You know the one, and if not, prepare to also laugh.

So, decent episode overall. Looks like the sparks are going to fly on next week’s episode in earnest, so this must be the calm before the storm. Will the attack on Lacey bring Kyle back home? Will Riley give up the fabled list? Who’s after it? Is it Kyle’s enemies or Riley’s? Could it be that dastardly Carlyle? Or the friend Kyle turned on to get out of jail? I guess we’ll find out next week.

What did you think of “The Client List” this week? Do you trust Kyle? Can you really trust a musician? Do you think Selena and Derek should get together for real? Or should Nikki snap that up? Did you like seeing a more sweet-natured human side of Selena, or do you prefer her being all feisty and rebellious? Sound off in the comments!