Gossip Girl Season 6 Review “The Revengers” – Blair’s All-Star Scheme Team

I really, really, really wish the writers of Gossip Girl would make their mind up about Dan. I have! Very decidedly so, and I take the heat for it! Why can’t they? He’s their character! Even though “The Revengers” is the penultimate episode of Gossip Girl, it’s very clear that no one on the writing staff can make up their mind as to whether they want Dan to be a good guy or a bad guy. Really and truly…as long as he’s not plotting to steal Blair away from Chuck, I don’t care which one he is, but it would be nice to have some confidence that the people writing his lines do.

So, apparently Dan’s big plan to win Serena’s heart was to publicly humiliate and slander her so that she would respect him. Um…most girls just like flowers. Was he really expecting her to read that article and say, “Wow, Dan wasn’t afraid to write horrible things about me for the entire country to read; I should totally spend the rest of my life with him”? I feel like shaking my fist a la William Shatner and yelling “DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!”

I wish I could say this episode was at all suspenseful, but it was kind of a big old mess. Bart had Nate arrested and tried to have Chuck killed, while Blair gathered the ultimate scheming dream team (Serena, Ivy, Georgina and Sage) to somehow get Bart to…what? Feel bad about his past actions? This is a man who killed two people to protect his secrets, then arranged to have his own son die in a plane crash. I doubt even the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come could turn him into a better human being.

I will give the episode one moment though. Backstage, when Blair first heard about the downed plane and Bart said, with absolutely no warmth or concern, that he hoped it wasn’t Chuck’s….the look she gave him was probably the best acting of the whole night. It’s probably also the reason why we won’t really care that neither she nor Chuck did anything to keep Bart Bass from plummeting to his death.

Yes, Bart Bass is dead. (For real this time. Unless he has an evil twin.) And no one mourns the wicked, especially not the two lovers who didn’t so much as offer him a hand to keep him from falling off the side of a very tall building. Can you really blame Chuck? I mean, I know he’s done a lot of really crappy things (as the fans of Dan like to remind everyone on their tireless crusade to legitimize those ridiculous couple of episodes last year when Blair temporarily lost her sanity and slept with him), but I don’t think letting a truly evil man with no soul die a horrible death, wherein he had at least a couple of seconds to ponder what the ground would feel like as it split his head open, can be counted as one of them.

And hey…Lily’s a widow now! Five bucks says she’s sleeping with Rufus by the end of the series.

Will you be pulling out your old headband collection to watch the finale episode of Gossip Girl next week? Let me know below how you plan to see this show out in style! And remember, you can still follow me on Twitter @krieli1 so don’t miss my last Dan diatribe.