90210 Season 5 Review “The Things We Do for Love” – Call Me Clairvoyant…

If you follow these reviews with any regularity, I would just like to say that I neither have a crystal ball nor an inside connection to the 90210 writing staff. Sadly, the only explanation as to why I’ve been accurately predicting pretty much every single plot thread on the show is that there is absolutely no creative thought going into any of their stories anymore, in particular this week’s episode, “The Things We Do for Love.” There’s an actual scientific theory that says a monkey hitting random keys on a typewriter for an infinite amount of time will eventually produce the complete works of William Shakespeare.

It would probably only take Curious George a couple of hours to bang out a 90210 script.

I usually try to sum up the episode every week, but I feel like I’ve already done that as these so-called stories unfold. Of course Vanessa is still alive. Of course she was blackmailing Liam. Of course Liam’s bodyguard who tattooed his face on her shoulder drugged and kidnapped him.

On that same note, of course Alex was behind the plot fire Max from his own company. And of course he wanted all the women out of Max’s life because he loved him as more than a friend. And of course Naomi would put those pieces together because her husband is the dumbest smart man on the show.

And of course Silver’s baby plans got thwarted because Teddy’s boyfriend wants to be a step-daddy and Teddy would do anything for his man, even take away the one thing his friend who might lose her uterus to cancer wants.

While we’re at it, are we supposed to be surprised that Annie is having issues with the current man in her life? And should we be shocked that Dixon is trying to get over Adrianna by treating her like crap and sleeping with the girl whose father nearly paralyzed him?

I feel like these writers are just going through the motions. Either that or they only woke up from napping during screenwriting class in time to hear “foreshadowing is good” and totally missed the first word of the sentence: “Subtle.”

The key to unraveling a suspenseful plot? Don’t assume that everyone in your audience is twelve.

Actually, don’t assume that twelve year-olds are all so dumb that they will eventually be totally caught off guard by the fact that Navid will fall in love with Bryce and lose her when she finds out he was sent on that date by Naomi.

What did you think about the episode? Let me know below! And remember you can always follow me on Twitter @krieli1 so you never miss a review.