The League Season 4 Review “The Anchor Baby” and “Bro-lo El Cordero”

This week, we unexpectedly got a double-dose of “The League,” but alas, it proved almost to be too much of a good thing, at least insofar as the second episode was concerned, for the most part. The first episode, “The Anchor Baby,” certainly got things off to a promising start, not in the least with a full-on glimpse of Ruxin’s wife, Sofia (Nadine Velazquez) in all of her naked backside glory. Um, wow. Very nice, and if you want even more where that came from, be sure and check her out in the recent movie “Flight” and don’t be late. You’ll thank me later.

Unfortunately, Ruxin was not too pleased- at least with the front-side of said wife, when he noticed that something very noticeable was awry. “My wife completely changed her pubic configuration. She went from the pizza slice straight up to a breadstick. She’s re-landscaping the whole front yard for resale!” It seems Ruxin is no fool and knew that he was the luckiest of men when it came to hitting the wife lottery.

“She looks like she belongs on a beer poster and I look like the guy who makes you answer riddles before you cross a bridge!” Ruxin lamented. He also pointed out that she’d taken up Pilates. When his friends looked puzzled as to what he meant, Ruxin explained: “Yoga is Communist cardio and Pilates is free-market Capitalism. She is de-regulating that body so that corporations can come in and go to town on that puss.” Alrighty then!

Kevin had other ideas: “Everybody knows that the sole purpose of Pilates is to get the muscles ready just to get pounded on by dudes.”
Andre: “Uh- hello? I take Pilates.”
Kevin: “Exactly.”
Andre: “If I did make that choice, I would hope that you would support me.”
Kevin: “Of course we would support you. We would support your head while dudes just dumped loads in the back of your throat- GAH!”
(Um, wow. Does FX even have censors anymore?)

The bulk of the episode concerned another “Seinfeld”-ian concept, the “friend-off,” although this one wasn’t quite as “Seinfeld”-like as last week’s episode. Basically, the “friend-off” was like a hand-off of a friend one didn’t want to be around anymore. In this case, it was “The Office” vet Zack Woods as Lane, an uber-pretentious hipster type, which he played to perfection. Lane was the type who liked to say things like “Surf music is the American equivalent to the Spanish flamenco” or “Rockabilly is the klezmer music of the Red States.” I’m not sure what either meant, but I laughed in spite of myself. I’ve met guys just like that, sad to say.

Lane was an acquaintance of Pete’s who he thought was gone for good after he moved out-of-state. Turned out Lane was “DJ-ing in Haiti for the villagers.” When Andre latched onto Lane, Pete attempted the aforementioned “friend-off,” but bailed too early and it didn’t take. Lane stayed long enough to give Andre the sage advice to “always know how you’re being ironic” after he told Lane his proposed DJ name was “Little Miss Spin,” which was intended to be ironic, but how, Andre wasn’t entirely sure. After that Lane left, and Pete knew his job wasn’t done, as they had unfinished business.

Later, he and Ruxin teamed up, launching a football play-style switch-off to inflict Lane upon Ruxin’s wife, which they dubbed the “double friend-off.” The move worked, though the boys took an unexpected detour when they got sidetracked onto a truck with some Mexican immigrants looking for work who were watching a game on a TV. Meanwhile, Lane and Sofia hit it off like gangbusters (“I’ve been called the “Girl Talk” of the floral world,” he bragged, adding how he also “attended Episcopalian services- but, you know, ironically.”), which might not be a good thing, though not addressed either later on in this episode or in the next one. (Nor was Ruxin’s sinister plan to get Sofia pregnant with his “anchor baby.”)

Elsewhere Taco moved into a new place, a former psychiatrist’s office he got on the cheap (although it turned out later he’d actually been squatting there) because the doctor had died there. When the doctor’s patients showed up, Taco took upon himself to take over, leading to some hilariously awful advice, including giving a minor a gun to deal with bullies; convincing an addict to only do drugs/drink with him and they could eventually phase out his drugs to Taco, whose use would eventually eclipse the addict’s; and telling a stressed out overweight woman “for every pound you lose, I will have sexual intercourse with you one time.”

Later, Taco told the guys how “helping people with their stupid brain problems is super easy.”
Kevin: “He’s over-performing. He’s like the fat kid in “Rudy.”
Taco: “Turns out he wasn’t just a fat kid, he was a hobbit. That’s why he was so good at football.”

There was also the revelation, via baby monitor, that Andre was having trouble, ahem, pleasuring himself, confessing to Dr. Taco that he had “masturbation impotence.” Needless to say, the guy’s had a field day with the info, with Ruxin in particular unable to contain himself: “It’s a river of puns!” He continued: “It’s like the dick knows that the hand belongs to Andre and can’t get hard for him.”

The subsequent speech Andre gave was unwittingly loaded with pun-opportunities, to say the least. Even Jenny got into the act, berating Andre: “You’re cupping mud!”

While the fist ep was classic “League” shenanigans, the follow-up was about as laborious as the title, “Bro-lo El Cordeno,” which I wasn’t able to successfully translate, but I’m gonna guess meant “brother rabbit,” given Rafi’s get-up, what with the bunny-ears and powder-puff tail and all.

That bit was far and away the highlight of the episode, as Rafi chloroformed some of the boys and put them in the ring in Mexican Luchador wrestler outfits and forced them to fight out their disagreement in the ring. He dubbed Kevin “El Crotcho Del Fuego” (I’m gonna go with “The Fiery Crotch”) and Andre “La Hermaphrodita” (“The Hermaphrodite”) and Kevin easily defeated poor Andre. Meanwhile, Rafi himself fought Ruxin, who he dubbed “El Abogado Malo” (“The Bad Lawyer”) and probably would have won had he not had a diabetic attack.

Andre: “Anyone have any sugar?”
Taco: “I got this. I’ll pee on him!”

This led to a save via Jenny, who happened to have on edible panties as a surprise for Kevin at the time. When Rafi got wind of it, he was understandably thrilled: “I’ll eat it off of you- that’s the most efficient delivery system!” She opted to take them off instead and saved poor Rafi who was happy nonetheless. “Even through the high-fructose corn syrup, I can still taste the Jenny,” he fawned, “Tastes so good.”

Another plot point had to do with Pete’s “Gumpa Duke” and “Gumma Eve”- aka his grandparents. It seems that the former has early onset Alzheimer’s and was behaving erratically and had to be put in a home. However, when he got there, Pete discovered the old man was pulling a fast one and was using the disease to scam elderly women at the home behind his wife’s back.

Ruxin: “I just hate thinking about old people having sex. It’s just like a dried-up potato stuffing its way into a crusty sock.” (And the award for grossest mental imagery of the week goes to…)
Pete: “It’s like Spring Break 1936 for him.”

Duke was eventually caught in a hospital room with another woman and the wife none too happy about his actions. Meanwhile, Kevin was dealing with another medical situation when he had to get a colonoscopy.

Kevin, discussing his fantasy picks: “What I could really use is a tight end.”
Andre: “Well, you should have thought of that before the colonoscopy.”

Aside from the wrestling match, it was a pretty lackluster episode, though. True, there was some hilarity involving a flatulent Kevin post-operation, with his room alternately described as smelling as if “a bucket of cauliflower had lit a pile of shit on fire,” or as “a can of tuna with diarrhea.” “A Cambodian war prison” and my personal favorite, “Like Nick Nolte and Gary Busey were doing squats in there.” Funny stuff, but definitely the lesser of the two episodes.

What did you think of the double-dose of “The League”? Was it one episode too many or could you have gone for more? Did you get a kick out of the douche-y Lane? Do you think he & Sofia will hook up? Did you get a nice visual of Sofia’s breadstick? (If not, get thee to “Flight”…) Do you have a new view of Pilates and Yoga? How about the big wrestling match? Got any jokes to add about the smell of farts? List ‘em below, in the comments section!