Gossip Girl “Con Heir” Review

Welcome back, Gossipers. Have you been spending the hiatus coming up with creative ways to break up Dan and Blair, or was that just me? No offense, Dair fans…you know you were doing the same thing with her and Chuck not so long ago. Alas, this week’s episode of Gossip Girl, “Con Heir,” picked up not too long after the great love confession that made most of us want to hurl. And while I really wish I could be the better person and get over it (as several of you commenters so kindly suggested), it still just doesn’t make any sense to me.

So, Blair and Dan is happening. Yet I take consolation in this one tiny little fact: it’s not happening without a lot of alcohol. Apparently Blair and Dan have terrible sober sex. It’s only when they’re both liquored up and in an elevator (or in a Brooklyn alley…unsanitary!!) that they can have any sort of a satisfying physical relationship. Yes, I can see why that makes for such an excellent love story, and why the amazing sex she had with Chuck without so much as a drop of tacky red wine would so quickly fade from her memory.

Hey, I’m trying, I really am. I gave them a shot, but there was so little chemistry between them in that elevator scene that it actually became uncomfortable to watch. I don’t get the pairing and I’m afraid I never will.

Moving on to less controversial topics, Serena got Georgina’s computer just in time to take up Gossip Girl’s gauntlet in the name of helping her family. Thanks to Ivy’s desperation to fit into society, she stupidly agreed to pay William to help her put together a party in CeCe’s memory. Of course, to the outside eye, it looked like Ivy was bribing the executor of the will that gave her all of the money. It’s enough for the van der Woodsen’s to start a lawsuit and freeze Ivy’s assets, especially after they got some unexpected help from Lola. It seems she might want to be a part of their family after all.

Still, they had better hurry up and get their apartment back soon, because Lilies are notoriously hard to replant in Brooklyn with any degree of success. Plus, Serena needs her trust fund intact now that she’s been fired by Nate for leaking the Ivy downfall story on Gossip Girl when the Spectator needed an exclusive. It’s a good thing Gossip Girl is ready to come back; everyone else sucks at being her.

Meanwhile, Chuck discovered that it wasn’t actually Jack who gave him blood after the car accident, because Jack has Hepatitis. After a mean dig at poor Pamela Anderson, Jack revealed that it was actually Chuck’s mother who saved his life, renewing Chuck’s desire to know his biological mother. I guess poor Lily just doesn’t count, despite the fact that she has never stopped loving him. Maybe if he and Serena hook up (still my pipe dream at this point), having Lily as his mother-in-law will finally settle his mommy issues.

I don’t know about this one, Gossipers. But I would love to hear what you think below!