The River “Peaches” Review

The River (ABC) Peaches Episode 5 (18)

So, remember last week when I said The River wasn’t that scary? Well, it sort of changed my tune with this week’s episode “Peaches”. I’m not saying it was the scariest episode of the series – that honor still goes to the freaking pilot with the scary tree ‘o dolls, but there were moments during “Peaches” that creeped me out.

The River starts us off with the Magus being run ashore by another ship making it’s way down the Amazon. The horn, flares, spot lights, even Lena (Eloise Mumford) waving her arms like a crazy woman on the front of the ship will not get this boat to stop. Hence, the Magus is run aground.

Cut to a 12 hour long “mayday” session with the radio in which I wanted to rip the thing out of Tess’ hand and scream at her that no one was coming. However, she apparently knows more than I do (which is why she’s captain of the ship and I’m not), and after what seems like forever, the Magus finds rescue from a ship called the Exodus.

I could dig into the name of the ship and play a little symbolism game, but I’ll save that for a The River mythology course.

The four members of the Exodus crew make their way on to the Magus with supplies and Jahel (played by the stunning Paulina Gaitan) and her father start to repair the damaged engine while everyone else retreats to the kitchen and gets drunk.

Lena and mostly dead camera man Jonas are getting pretty close, and it doesn’t seem that Lincoln likes it too much. It makes sense – Lena and Lincoln (that’s a little precious, right?) have been on the boat since they were, what? Six? They’ve spent a lot of time together and before captain “I’m cursed to hang from a tree for all eternity” showed up, it seemed that the double L were going to get something started.

However, Jonas gives Lena one thing that she needs – a videotape of her father. See, people seem to forget that Lena’s dad is missing along with Emmet. Everyone is on the lookout for Dr. Cole, but no one seems to care too much about his camera man. But Jonas cares. Jonas liked Lena’s father. He finds a recording of her dad that he taped specifically for his daughter and plays it for a very grateful Lena.

Cut to me almost crying into my ice cream because I’m a sap.

Back in the kitchen the entire crew (aside from our two mechanics, Lena, and Jonas) are all drinking and having a grand old time… until Brynildson starts to suspect that there’s more to their new friends than meets the eye. While screwing around on deck, Jonas sees a face peeking out of a porthole on the Exodus. He and Lena decide to investigate since the Exodus crew told them that they were the only ones on the ship.

Never mind that Jonas was cursed to hang forever because he filmed something he shouldn’t have, and never mind that Lena has been plagued by living dolls, swarms of cockroaches, blindness, and other crazy things – let’s just go explore the creepy boat.

From this point things go down. Turns out that Lena’s dad is being held captive on the Exodus. Also turns out that Brynildson’s feelings were right – these people aren’t on the up and up. In fact these “people” aren’t “people” at all. In a twist that only The River could do, we find out (from Lena’s dad) that the crew is attempting to collect new people on board the Exodus to take their places on the ship.

Apparently they’ve been sailing for a REALLY long time and can’t leave until someone takes their place. If these new replacements are on the Exodus at sunrise, they’ll be cursed to remain on the boat forever while the old crew can roam free.

So now Lena, Tess, Jonas, Brynildson, and Lena’s dad are all aboard the Exodus and waiting to be made crew of said ghost ship. Until Lincoln launches a rescue mission. Arriving in the nick of time and in one of the shakiest camera scenes to date on The River, the crew of the Exodus (who are actually already dead – explains why Brynildson’s bullets didn’t work) are forced to remain on their boat forever.

Then The River suddenly throws in one of the most depressing scenes on television. Lena’s father tells her to get off the boat and reveals that he is already one of the dead crew members and can’t leave. Lena is heartbroken and tries to stay with her father, clawing desperately to get back onto the burning ship.

Not going to lie, I cried. Hard.

Still no sign of Emmet, but we do know that he started to see some crazy things before he went missing. Footprints on the ceiling of his cabin, etc. It seems that Emmet may have gone a little mad and off the deep end a bit, but then again, things aren’t always what they seem in The River. I’m just hoping that Tess and Lincoln’s rescue mission is not in vain.

What did you think, The River fans? Is Emmet still alive? Is the Magus crew just chasing a dead end? Did you sob as well when Lena was yelling for her father? Let me know in comments!

Follow me on Twitter! @popKelture