Five Things I Learned From High School Supernatural Shows

Every teen drama creates it’s own nuggets of wisdom to help their young viewers navigate their four years of high school hell. Gossip Girls suggests you shop, Glee wants you to sing, and Buffy thinks you should spend your Saturday nights battling the forces of evil. But high school supernatural shows end up revealing some things about secondary education they might not have meant to.

1. No One Uses the Library (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

In three seasons of scoobie meetings in Gile’s book domain the demanology lessons get interrupted exactly once by students looking for books (on Stalin, specifically). At a time when the Internet was so new Willow was singled out for the ability to use a search engine, where were all the other students getting their research done?

2. The School News Paper is Serious Business (Smallville)

I know every school is different, but my school newspaper consisted of about ten of us with one computer older than any of us in the corner of our adviser’s classroom. I understand with a character as devoted to journalism as Chloe there’s going to be a lot of time spent at The Torch, and when you have stories about sudden student death as often as the lunch menu, the other students probably would flip through a copy. But where did they get the cash for their own room full of shiny macs?

3. Sometimes You Need More Than One School Shrink (Smallville)

The kids of Smallville High are troubled. Body image issues, extreme guilt, socio-economic pressures, stalking, perfectionism to the point of pycosis, they don’t make enough pamphlets for these kids. What’s more, all the kyropnite hanging around makes their problems glaring, specifically, glaring green. So why is it no one sits down in the counselors office before they run someone over with a car in a fit of rage? They need some mental health assemblies asap.

4. Teachers Are Not Always Given Through Background Checks

Sunnydale High had to contend with a giant bug woman substitute, a mad scientist swim coach, Clark needed to save the school from a football coach who had no problem surrounding his team in a spontaneous ring of fire, and Joan was frequently given real homework by God (which, I admit, would be on the positive side of teacher fraud but still means they’re was no social security number). These instructors must have had some really solid recommendations to get them in the door.

5. School Official Really Have No Idea Who’s At School (Joan of Arcadia)

Teachers are always threatening you with the promise bad behavior will leave a mark on your permanent record. Who gets to read those records, you might ask, and it seems those records, along with any others pertinent to your education aren’t top priority at high school, or at least at Joan’s high school. God pops up as various students that everyone else can see, and no one seems to care when he drops in for a class or just wanders around the halls. And as his punk goth incarnation, teachers would have taken notice.