DANCING WITH THE STARS Season 13 Episode 8 Review

DANCING WITH THE STARS Season 13 Episode 8 – It should be said: the correct couple went home.

It’s just a fact; in the popularity contest that has become the modern-day vote-coveting American reality television show, it’s the unpopular kids that get the boot before the pretty ones. Especially the pretty ones that tug at your nostalgia strings and cry tears of humiliation.

Was Chynna Phillips a better dancer than the Chazzie, better than Blahb Kardashian, better than Nancy Graceless? No question. She could dance circles around them.

It’s just that last night she did not. And even with the way-too-generous scores given to her by the judges, America sent Chynna and her heaving sobs packing. I kind of pity Billy Baldwin.

Now if only we could somehow send Brooke Burke packing. Her deer-in-the-headlights teleprompter moment at the end of the show just had me shaking my head. She’s like a wind-up plastic-and-silicone doll that talks (and dresses—what a nightmare babydoll dress that was) badly.

“Our eight remaining couples will t-tease their hand and slip on the spandex next Monday for ’80s week.”

What? Brooke Burke became Broke Burke.

I know it was her only glaring mistake, but she’s been an un-funny comedy of errors ever since she was hired. I need a grass roots “Get Brooke Burke Off The Freaking Show” movement to start. Seriously, people. The Burksperiment has failed.

The rest of the show was fine. Raphael Saadiq performed The Blues Brothers “Soul Man” admirably, though dude sort of looks like how Urkel should actually look grownup (apologies to Jaleel White). And I question why, on a show like Dancing With The Stars, there were no dancers during the performance. Like Saadiq’s jiving-about counted? I don’t think so. But the song was decent.

I’m a little tired of Susan Boyle’s amazed “omg I can’t believe I’m here” happy child wave, and I can’t say that her voice is overwhelming enough that she still warrants special appearances on television shows. (Perhaps Beyoncé wasn’t available.) At least during her performance there was dancing.

The backstage stuff was entertaining. It’s probably the best part of the results show. Rob asking if Carrie Ann was single was pretty funny (and even funnier that Cheryl seemed annoyed). And Ricki: “I’m going out.” Derek: “I’m not. I have to rehearse with my… stupid sister.”

Hey, Derek, it was worth it. Any Hough reunion is a good thing, though it reminds me what we lost when Julianne went all feature film on us. She still commands attention; that woman is all flying hair and twirling skirts and … basically a tiny bundle of awesome. I get why she moved on, but it doesn’t mean we can’t miss that pocketful of pow.

Man, they may force me to go see Footloose now.

Anyway, the Hough stuff was good and Chynna paid for the fact that she froze up. That’s totes Hollywood.

So who do you see going home next week on Dancing With The Stars?

If you’re totes Hollywood, follow me on Twitter! That’s @Axechucker!