Top Four Craziest Clinic Moments on HOUSE

Top Four Craziest Clinic Moments on HOUSE

There are some constants on House, which returned for its eighth season last week. House will break the rules, House will hit on Cuddy, demean his staff and House will treat some interesting patients in the clinic. Patients who mix up birth control with Smuckers and want to pass off a paternity test as one for mono. And House treats them with the same bedside manner as he does with all his grateful patients.

Here are the four cases that completely explain House’s reluctance to take on clinic duty.

1. What Did I Tell You About Playing with Daddy’s Skin Tone? [Season 3, Episode 23]

When a patient comes in with a funny skin rash, House forgoes the medical text books and looks at the mischievous kid he has in toe. Seems junior thought it was funny to leave coins on his daddy’s arms while he was sun bathing, leaving him with the classic polka dot look, which luckily is in this fall. If the kid had any real creativity he would have left him a sunburn message by writing something in sunblock-“Dad, remember to pick me up some Captain Crunch.”

2.He Looks Just Like His Mother…and Her Ex [Season 1, Episode 4]

When a woman comes to House with inexplicable weight gain, he explains it pretty quickly with the fetus growing in her stomach. A baby’s great news, problem is she’s not quite sure if the father is her husband or an old beau she hooked up with during a brief and recent separation. She brings him in under the guise of a mono test, and House goes along with it and administers the paternity test. The hubby is the dad, and the expectant mother’s so pleased with the covert operation she wants House to handle the delivery. Which means House can chill in the OBGYN lounge and catch up with his soaps, and you know, he has the opportunity to take part in the miracle of birth. A win-win.

3. It’s Really An Easy Mistake [Season 2, Episode 9]

I grew up with the legend of the woman who spread spermicidal jelly on her toast as a not so delicious form of birth control, but this clinic patient turned that story on it’s head. A woman has been spreading Smuckers where spermicide is meant to go, leaving her nether regions covered in only the ripest strawberries. When House examines her he realizes it doesn’t always have to be good, and orders a neuro exam, stat to examine what must be the gaping hole where her brain should be. She must not even have had the sense to use seedless.

4.Say Hi to Mom For Me [Season 7, Episode 11]

House had been on his best behavior with all the Jewish matrons who stop by his clinic on the off chance he might be meeting the parents (or at least the mom) since he was trying to make a go off it with Cuddy. Cuddy, however, forgets to let him know her mom’s a convert, and his normal patient relations protocol does nothing to impress Mrs. Cuddy. But saving her life later in the episode probably does.

Did I miss any classic clinic moments that made you cringe or just crack up? Do you think we’ll ever see him back in the clinic now he’s a hardened criminal?