THE X FACTOR (US) “Bootcamp #1” Episode 5 Review

THE X FACTOR (US) “Bootcamp #1” Episode 5 – So bootcamp has begun. Of course my first question was: “What the Hell is bootcamp?”

Held in Los Angeles (where else?), the first day brought 162 acts and left us with 100. Of the 62 that left I recognized a total of… one. That’s one part Darwinism with two parts “Good Riddance.”

Things I didn’t know: Chris “Lil Homie” Rene had a sister in the competition, and she made it through! Also, Audrey Turner is the ex-wife (post Tina) of Ike Turner?! Alrighty!

Day two dawned bright and sunny, and some people overslept. Just like on American Idol “Group Week.” Shocking, I know.

As I guessed, they didn’t make it all the way through the “final 100” to give us our 32 acts—more of that to come tomorrow. Here are my thoughts on a couple of today’s standouts:

Back to Audrey Turner: she crushed a Radiohead song. I was slightly surprised. I am left wondering whether Tina even knows she exists.

Drew Ryniewicz (the young Belieber) has a fantastic, clear voice, but didn’t know Radiohead from Portishead, clearly. And she’s awkward on stage. But that voice… I think she’ll make it through.

Dexter Haygood, the James Brown soundalike was screwed as soon as he started duck-walking like Mick Jagger. There’s no way he makes it through.

The Answer came off a little overtly Broadway to me. I’m on the fence about them, though their looks may carry the day.

Stacy Francis was chided by Simon for the nine-hour (seemingly) note she held, so she came back strong. I think she’ll be through to the next round.

Jazzlyn Little (she of the extreme lack of confidence) forgot U2 lyrics. Like really? Who forgets U2 lyrics? Be interesting to see if she’s chosen. I’m on the fence with her as well.

Melanie Amaro and her gigantic Celene Dion voice did okay. I don’t think she’s charismatic enough to be one of the final 8 in her category however.

Paige Ogle I found nasal and slightly annoying, but Simon seems to love her.

Dani Knights is almost too good-looking for her own good. Seriously, she looks like a young, blonde Angelina Jolie. DOA?

Cari Fletcher and her bigger-than-life voice will probably go through.

Leroy Bell killed it with “Desperado.” I’m curious whether or not he’ll ever look anywhere but at his feet; if he doesn’t make it through it’ll be based purely on his lack of stage experience.

Skyelor Anderson, the country and western kid, forgot his words, his place on stage, his mind, basically everything. How can a country dude not know “Desperado?” Dude shot himself in the foot. I think he’s doomed.

Brian Bradley the li’l rapper sort of invaded the stage and didn’t let go at all. But how do they not let him through? Are there really eight other young male performers with more charisma? (Caveat: if all he can do is rap I think he’s screwed.)

Josh Krajcik singing “Superman” seemed like a slamdunk. And it was. We’ll see him next week.

Nick Dean was an easy choice (for the young girl vote) until he forgot his freaking lyrics. Then he just looked lost. If he goes through it’ll be based purely on speculation and early performances.

James Kenney was off key. I think he’s gone.

Tiger Budbill was still here? Why?

Nick Voss… Nick Voss… I don’t remember a Nick Voss. I don’t think I’ll miss him when he’s gone.

Phillip Lomax and his douchebag hat probably made it through.

Tiah Tolliver overcame the numerous key changes of her first performance (last episode) and stayed to one key this time and I think got through with ease (though with the help of a stompy power walk).

Chesi Spriggs and her plus-sized act (that was a lot of pink) seemed to do okay. If the judges think her stage presence equals her voice she’ll go through, but there were times it looked like she was just standing around.

Rachel Crow, from the Good Ship Lollipop, probably did just enough to get through. Do you penalize a 13-year old for not being able to do Whitney?

Ellona Santiago brought her dramatic voice and her tears and her “still more to give” speech (I’m getting a little tired of singers “giving” to us) but it didn’t help her reach the high note of that Whitney song. But again, it killed everyone. Well, everyopne except…

De’Quan Allen and his cornrows. Nailed it. If he doesn’t go through I blame his late-90’s hair.

12-year old Emily Michalik came off a little out-of-sorts. But she is 12.

Makenna and Brock may end up having a full-fledged relationship by the time this thing is over with. Whatever will we do if they don’t make it to the teams competition?!

Siameze whatsisname is screwed. Thank god they finally saw through his lame ass. No way he’s continuing on.

Tomorrow on The X Factor: more of the same! I have to say this portion isn’t coming off as dramatic (or even as watchable) as A. I.’s “Group Week,” so I’m sort of just waiting for the end of tomorrow’s show so we can see who the 32 acts are.

I have nothing funny to add! Follow me on Twitter anyway! That’s @Axechucker!