DANCING WITH THE STARS Season 13 Episode 6 Review

DANCING WITH THE STARS Season 13 Episode 6 – Let’s get it off our collective chests right now:

HOW THE BLEEP IS THAT TRANSGENDERFIED MAN-GIRL EWOK-WANNABE STILL ON THE SHOW!?

Chaz can’t dance. Chaz has zero charisma. Chaz is so much akin to the unlikable “It’s Pat!” character on Saturday Night Live that they even sound alike!

(Insert nervous nasal Pat/Chaz laughter. Ehehehehehe.)

Seriously, people. Does Cher have her legion of fans voting 8,000 times per minute? It’s the only explanation that makes sense to me. It’s called Dancing With The Stars, not How Famous Is Your Mom? He can’t dance. At all. He’s injured and can’t dance—and he couldn’t dance before he was injured. How is it didn’t even rate the bottom three?

(Yes, yes, I know, “bottom three” results don’t necessarily reflect yadda yadda yadda. He probably came in second to last. But damn.)

Might be the Lacy Schwimmer vote. Those Lance Bass fans are legion. But man…

People, if you can’t dance, you can’t dance. ‘Nuff said.

On with the show. The “Everyone knows everyone” bit was interesting, I suppose, though a few were reaches. (Really? Kevin Bacon? No one knows that dude.)

The Macy’s Stars of Dance (I question how much money Macy’s has sunk into these weekly showcases) did their thing, this time with Grammy Award Winner Estelle, who broke out with an odd version of Chubby Checker’s “The Twist.” And then—well, out came Chubby Checker! That was unexpected. Chubby told the crowd they looked good, but dayamn, Chubby’s the one who hasn’t aged a freaking year. How is that even possible? I had to Google Chubby Checker just to make sure he really was still alive and hadn’t been replaced by a lookalike. I love his hair though. Someone has yet to tell him the pre-‘fro 1960’s are done and over with.

Entertainingly bizarre.

Len came out from behind the desk and did The Twist, and it was less-than impressive. All that buildup (“LEN IS GOING TO DANCE!”) for a few hip-twitches? Come on now.

Mary J. Blige did her thing. I’ve never been a Blige fan, but it’s to the point where I appreciate just about any performer that doesn’t autotune.

So Kristin Cavallari went home and Len went ballistic (read between the lines, Chaz), as was probably appropriate. Though really, Cavallari doesn’t carry with her a boatload of fans. There’s the thought that Marc Ballas is experiencing a douchebag backlash (because really, he sort of exudes that at times) … but really, it was Kristin “I’m not a bitch” Cavallari and her lack of likability.

Will the Ewok go home next week? We’ll have to tune in and see. His talentless ouster is what I’m rooting for now.

Follow me on Twitter! That’s @Axechucker, you Ewok-wannabes!