THE X FACTOR (US) “Auditions #4: Newark/Dallas” Review

The X Factor (FOX) Judges

THE X FACTOR (US) “Auditions #4: Newark/Dallas” –

First things first, and I have to say this: Why do they feel like they have to even attempt the drama of “yes or no” after multiple judge standing ovations? It’s a waste of time. I’m not sure why they would waste time with this rather than making more room for other contestants.

Also, someone needs to control the audience and their random bouts of applause. Unless there’s an applause sign on the fritz, or it was canned, there’s a lot of unnecessary cheering going on, and at weird random moments.

That’s done. So…

I’m loving how this show looks like it’s going to shape up! I see very few clear frontrunners, and this looming “Boot Camp” next week has me intensely curious. Like what if you can’t dance? Gone?

Guess we’ll see.

Today I wanna start with the l’il homies who didn’t make the cut. Jersey had more than a few funny ones:

Poor Andy Silikovitz wanted to be on MTV’s “Cribs.” And he wanted to get a lot of girls (never been kissed). Alas, that ain’t happening. I think we’ll see him in the finale, ala William Hung. Yay? And poor Clarissa “Cashmere” Cheatham. I would say taking a stripper’s name as a nickname was the first bad move, but the name was at least somewhat exciting; her voice, sadly, was not. Nouf Taraman got booed. Which is rare. But I would boo anyone who butchered a Snow Patrol song, so hey. Jor-El? Wow. Just wow. Flamingly gay doesn’t necessarily mean talented, I guess. Who knew? Devon Talley? Ouch. Just ouch. And then Maya Lehman murdered Freddie Mercury. That is all.

On to the victors!

Brian Bradley from Brooklyn: Love this kid. Hasn’t gotten a record deal yet because of “politics,” (LOL) and “Stop Lookin’ At My Mom” was dope. RUN DMC and Will Smith are wondering who the dad is. (And his mom is pretty hot.) Be interesting to see if he is more than a one-trick pony. L.A. Reid saying he’s a “triple threat” is a bit much. Last time I heard, a triple threat needed to be able to sing. And we haven’t heard that yet; only rapping thus far. But this dude has moxie.

Kelly Warner: Generic but good. After the long line of everyone else, I kind of forgot who she was.

Aaron Surgeon: Hair looks like a wig, or he’s the impossible lost love-child of Bootsy Collins and Terence Trent D’arby.

Lilianna Rose Andreano: Reminds me of a brunette Tiffany. Maybe if Elvis and Tiffany made a baby.

Cari Fletcher: Needs to stop and breathe before she talks, but not a bad singer. (I hate fake-shredded jeans though. How the hell is something so fake a believable fashion statement? I’m not sure. End of rant.) A little boring, like Simon said, but I guess we’ll see if she’s a fighter.

Emily Michalak: I’m a little disappointed we didn’t get to see more of this 12-year old. I assume she was good. And coming from an immigrant family, you’d think her story might be television-worthy (at least more than a dull Cari Fletcher). Guess we’ll have to wait and see how she stacks up.

Same with Dorit Yehudai: Was she legit or just over-the-top Broadway? We don’t know.

AusEm: Austin and Emily were a little stage musical—okay, they were a lot of stage musical—and will probably get killed if they make it out of Boot Camp, once the “America votes” thing starts. Emily’s dad getting pissed backstage was pretty real. But man, Scherzinger was right: I don’t see it in that Emily, not unless she proves to be a much better scrapper than a singer.

Tora Woloshin: The auto tech / singer was pretty impressive. She looks like a tattooed and tanned Lady Gaga. She threw down that Jackson 5 like it was no big deal, hitting all of Jacko’s notes like they were nothing, so I think she’s going far. I think she makes it past Boot Camp fo’ sho’.

Rick White: Uh, did he make it through?

The Stereo Hogzz: From “Hooston” Texas. Not impressed. I think I’d want to see more individuality rather than five dudes all dressed alike. If they don’t break out of those all-black thug-life outfits, the American voting public will kill them.

Hey, Brennin Hunt: Jared Leto wants his look back. Brennin, from Nashville (y’all), is beyond arrogant, and he stands funny when he sings, kind of hunched over… but was there any doubt he’d get through?

Paige Elizabeth Ogle: Cute, but slightly annoying voice.

Leroy Bell: 59-year old Michael Bolton sounding black man. Made it through on surprise factor alone. No way he survives Boot Camp.

The Brewer Boys: Hate the hair. When the hell is Justin Bieber’s old hairstyle going to go out of style? I keep asking that. Like when is autotuning going to go out of style? Soon. Right?


Nick Dean: The 14-year old who did his own song (“My first single”) will probably be at least one of the top three male finalists. You heard it here first. Bam! First prediction!

Jazzlyn Little: The ultra-nervous 14-year old (but who wouldn’t be?) sure opened up once the music started, didn’t she? People might cry “Ringer!” but really, some people are just like that. She’s like a mini-Mariah. She’ll go far.

Next week: BOOT CAMP. 32 acts, which means each judge gets 8 acts to mentor. And they have to weed through those (I’m assuming America’s votes will count for something) so that they approach the finale with what they think is the winning act. I’m really liking the fact that this pits the judges against one another. Simon vs. L.A. Reid, but don’t count a competitive Scherzinger out. And (a sober) Paula could just charm America into loving whoever she loves.

But Boot Camp is first. I’m excited for next week on The X Factor!

If you want to pit yourself again me, follow me on Twitter! That’s @Axechucker, you autotuners!