AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL “Nicki Minaj” Cycle 17 Episode 1 – The greatest show ever to grace the small screen is back. Now, usually when people use the tagline “crazier than ever” they’re being somewhat hyperbolic. Not Tyra, not this cycle. Tyra Banks has realized that people watch this show not to see who will become America’s next top model, mainly because unlike other reality contest shows like American Idol, the public has no say in the winner, or Top Chef, the winner does not actually win a career in modelling, but rather a few tentative job opportunities which almost never amount to anything significant. No, people tune in to America’s Next Top Model because they want to see something batshit crazy.

And Tyra has delivered the crazy in spades.

Meet some of the contestants, so-called “All-Stars” (though it should really be runner’s up edition) from previous seasons who are unemployed or who would do better financially to appear on the show rather than continue in whatever career they are currently pursuing.

There’s the ghetto girl from Queens with a nasty attitude.
The girl who peed in a diaper.
The transgender girl.
The proud lesbian who used to be a red head.
The girl who wouldn’t pose nude.
You get the picture.

This may not make for the world’s most prestigious modelling competition, but it sure makes for some great television. Tyra promises us not only a string of guest judges (let’s skip to the Kathy Griffin episode now please) but a string of new…em…pursuits to round the models: song writing, singing, recording a music video etc.

So with significantly more plastic surgery, the episode begins. Instead of giving the ages of the models, the tag is a label: Wild Child, Diva, The Girl Next Door, the Super Gay, again, you get the picture.

The judging is live and crowd assembles to cheer (and in Alexandria’s case, boo) her. It’s about a crowd the size you’d get in your town’s Christmas lights ceremony. Nicki proves to be a brilliant judge (her behind has to be padded, yes?) with astute often hard critiques, and some entertaining observations. Plus, watching her backstage react with something akin to shock horror to Tyra’s double gun was priceless.

When it’s down to the wire between the girl no one can remember and the girl with polarity, Britney heads home and Alexandria sticks around.

Oh, and the white creamy swimming pool? Classy, Tyra, classy.

So…have you any observations of your own? Sound off in the comments below.

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