ENTOURAGE “Second To Last” Review

ENTOURAGE “Second To Last” Season 8 Episode 7:

Oh, how I relished in those eight sweet little words: “And I never figured you for the slut.”

I was all, “Tell ‘er, E! Yeah! Kick Sloan the hell out of your life! Do it!”

Oh, it was too good to be true. And deep down I knew it. I smelled the setup. Of course I predicted it; the “Big Misunderstanding,” a tried and true television trope. Unfortunately, too many people aren’t like me—too many fans like Eric and Sloan together, so if Entourage doesn’t force them back together before the season finale, I’ll eat my shorts.

(I reserve the right to not eat my shorts if they decide to wait for the upcoming movie to actually do it—but by hook or by crook, I smell it coming.)

Now then… the execution of said miraculous make-up is in extreme danger of being extremely lame. I mean, if Sloan’s entire decision to dump E was basically, “I’m pregnant and he won’t sign a pre-nup and my family hates him,” then having her just… I dunno… changing her mind is retarded. Swayed by his desperate words, whatever, it’s not going to work. I don’t care how big a speech he gives. He could give a freaking Brian’s Song speech, and it’s not going to work.

So they have to address her motivations. And then make us buy into why she’s changing her mind. (Yet again.)

I would prefer it if she were accidentally shot in the head by her father. Next week’s previews say he’s coming after Eric—and really, he’d need a gun, because Malcolm McDowell doesn’t frighten anyone any more. But most Entourage fans don’t really get my Sloan hate; they’ll be happy at the reunion.

Vince is chasing Sophia (Alice Eve—yep, still British) pretty hard. Breaking down her resistance, stone block by stone block. It’s no shock to say he’s gonna find his way into her bed; the only real question now is, “Is She The One?” Because Vinnie’s acting like she is, and I have a feeling they won’t go the Sasha Grey route and have her dump him this time.

I wish they’d shown more of the movie Vince made for Sophia—the interviews with all his ex-girlfriends. I think Doug Ellin and co. kind of dropped the ball on this. With the right rapid-fire editing, it could have been a blast to watch. And I was extremely curious what these women had to say. Like none are pissed they didn’t win the “Mrs. Chase” prize? They’re all perfectly happy for the one-or-two night stands? That’s a little bit of a sunny Disney ending, isn’t it?

Could have been funny. Instead, for comedy, we were subjected to Turtle’s Don Pepe quest, and the cartoonish couple that seems to have been stolen right off the sets of The Sopranos and Jersey Shore. Please, just stop. And Vince saving the day with Turtle’s vodka stock?

Guys, why?

I also wish they’d used Johnny Galecki a little more centrally. He just sort of came off as a mopey sort of window-dressing. Maybe they should have gotten Simon Helberg? He would have at least had something to say.

Ari is still pining over his—okay, I don’t even want to talk about it. Instead, let’s ask a question:

Jeremy Piven: pectoral implants or 100 push-ups before every shirtless scene? Y’all make the call.

If it sounds like the episode disappointed, it really didn’t. It was just sort of there. I enjoyed it at the time, and basically forgot about it after. Par for course, this season. My main worry is that it looks like the show is setting up for an all-too convenient ending, everyone happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise… when I’d rather see something different.

I hope I’m wrong.

For free pectoral implants, follow me on Twitter! That’s @Axechucker, you bunch of Galeckis!