THE X FACTOR UK “Auditions 3” Review

THE X FACTOR UK “Auditions 3” Season 8 Episode 3 -We begin with a montage filled with tears from the judges and clips from the country’s no. 1 music artists: Olly, Cher Lloyd, the boyband from last year with the hair whose name I can’t quite remember, nor do I care enough to actually spend a minute Googling them, it’s hard not to shudder.

But if the montage won’t make you shudder, David Wilder and his harmonica most certainly will. He kicks off the show with a rendition of David Bowie’s classic Life On Mars, and gets right over to the judge’s table to have a staring competition with Tulisa. The judges give him no love, so he literally flees to the welcoming arms of the audience. Kelly’s claim that all of us would benefit from a touch of David Wilder in us was met with dubious “ha…yeah…” from the audience. Gary “absolutely lUved it.” He’s sent through with four, yes, four, yeses from the judges.

Lemuel Knights, a 16 year old with a massive afro, gets the crowd and judges going, but he’s only shown in a small clip that lasts no more than a minute. He probably should have been crazier. He’s not the only 16 year old: a smiley girl called Lizzie and a cool guy called Max and a few others are shoved through within a two minute clip package, all of whom seem able to sing really well.

However the real star of the clip package is a 16 year old Luke Lucas. He’s a real charmer, getting a kiss from Tulisa within seconds and winning over the judges and audience before even dropping a note on Michael Jackson’s Who’s Lovin’ You. He’s a natural stage man, getting the audience up on their feet and getting a few whoops out of Kelly, melting Tulisa, and finishing off with a great bow at the end. Tulisa drools over his adorability, Gary compliments his gift and he’s sent off with all four judges enthusiastically backing him as a serious contender.

Last year’s Michael Jackson impersonator, Michael Lewis, returns without the wacky sparkle jacket to give the audition a serious go as himself. I think it’s pretty clear he’s looking for celebrity to start his own reality show. Michael Lewis: Deadly Crazy only on Channel 4. The judges let him abuse the nation’s senses for much too long, and when they finally cut him off, he tries to save himself with a bit of inspirational zen crap. It’s actually much more entertaining to see him edit the judges critiques. Tulisa: “It just felt a bit weird.” Michael: “Unique is the word I’d use.” He stages a minor protest, lying down on the stage and as the audience turns on him he gives out to them, complaining about the fickle nature of the audience. Gary eventually leads him off stage.

Anamelia something or other proves too arrogant for the judges, and she’s the first of yet another string of a bad auditions montage of lippy singers. A threesome calling themselves Angel with some serious synchronisation problems take the stage to cover Willow Smith’s Whip My Hair. You can see the pain in Kelly’s eyes. Tulisa tells them that their dance moves were “to cover up the fact that they can’t sing” when the lippy one shoots back with “that’s a bit rich, coming from you.” Kelly brings the class right back up with a smart comment on women sticking together and avoid a bitchy image, and the judges send the group home with the audience’s enthusiastic support. The audience might dislike Michael Lewis, but it’s clear the judges have won them over.

With an amazing Scottish brogue and singing in her blood and a lovely granny, Jade Richards takes the stage with the wish to get out of Fife. She tackles Adele’s Someone Like You. And she’s amazing. She brings the audience to tears, she brings her family to tears, she brings the judges to tears and gets a standing O from Tulisa and Kelly (Louis and Gary are much too snobby to stand-imagine, getting on your feet. The horror, the horror!) Tulisa says, “While you were singing, I felt like I heard your whole life story through your voice.” That’s probably the best comment I’ve ever heard any judge say about someone’s voice. Kelly and Louis are both in tears, and Jade is through and probably the favorite to walk away with the entire competition in her pocket.

Ranking my favourites:
Jade Richards
Luke Lucas
Max, Lizzie, Lemuel and all those other 16 year olds in the clip package determined to avoid their A Levels at all costs.
Michael Jackson dude, simply because he really does seem either crazy, or a particularly good actor which the producers are shelling out enough dime for to get a pretty entertaining script out of him. I fully expect to see him around Christmas time on The Xtra Factor in their studios.

Have you any favorite contestants or judges so far? Sound off in the comments below.

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