ENTOURAGE “The Big Bang” Review

Entourage The Big Bang

ENTOURAGE “The Big Bang” Season 8 Episode 6:

So I guess the Big Bang is no longer just a theory. Or is it? Is Johnny Galecki banging Sloan? He can’t be the reason she’s moving back to New York. The Big Bang Theory films on the west coast. So we’re supposed to be made to think that’s what’s happening. When in fact, you know that can’t be the case. She clearly doesn’t have a thing for short guys—

Holy hell, this thought just occurred to me: Sloan’s on the short bus!

Eric (5′ 4″ if he’s lucky)…

Galecki (maybe 5′ 5″ with boots on).

Seth Green (4′ 9″)…!

My god, they even had David Spade (“Jay Leno makes a smiley face.”) as a guest star. He’s what, 4′ 6″? Maybe an inch or two taller than Rob Schneider? If Spade is hitting Sloan, you know she’s got a short guy thing.

(Sure it’s improbable, but seriously. What happens if Peter Dinklage guest stars?)

Alas, that’s more a Seinfeldian plot than something Entourage might do. Especially as beloved as Sloan is to many of the fans. (Not with me, but hey, even I thought Emmannuelle Chriqui was okay in You Don’t Mess With The Zohan.) I already fear it’s going to turn into some gigantic “misunderstanding” where she was moving to New York to be with her ailing aunt or some shit. I mean, I hope not, I hope serious honcho / creator Doug Ellin is making her out to be as self-centered as I want her to b—I mean, uh, as she should be.

(I can’t deny my distaste for Sloan is strong.)

This actually was one of those episodes where just about every woman who crossed the screen was some sort of duplicitous skank. Ellin and Turtle (Jerry Ferrara) wrote this one—blame their issues with women, not me.

Well, all of them are skanks except Sophie (Alice Eve). “I’m just a journalist you don’t know who won’t sleep with you,” she said, rather primly, and I know it isn’t just me hoping, hoping we get an end-of-season scene where Vince has her spread-eagle and blindfolded, chained to her bed and making the monkey mambo while she begs for every domination known to man.

What. That’s not an abnormal thought, right? It has to come full-circle. Vinnie gets the girl. That’s the way it goes.

I’m just thinking this stuff for story arc purposes. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Can’t wait to see how this series ends. I mean, besides with a movie. I’m was little worried for Ari, him retreating back to “beggars mode” in trying to settle things with his harpy wife, but now it looks as though seeing her in his home with Bobby Flay (still can’t act, and who knew he was all hands?) has finally made him see the light. I want snarly Ari back.

Final thoughts:

Johnny’s getting his bananas, which basically means Andrew “Dice” Clay was right. I’m guess I’m cool with that.

Rob Morrow, nice purple sunglasses, bro.

Turtle is making headway with this Don Pepe deal—ah, who cares?

Next week: More Dana Gordon (Constance Zimmer)! She’s what I call the Cure for Skank. Cutthroat, sure… slightly crass, maybe… but she’s got heart.

(I have a feeling Ari’s gonna break it.)

If you want your mind to go back into the gutter, follow me on Twitter! That’s @Axechucker, you pervs!