THE BACHELORETTE (2011) Season 7 Episode 6 Review

THE BACHELORETTE (2011) Season 7 Episode 6 – AKA THE BENTLEY SHOW, Season 7 Episode 6 – I have to say I was really disappointed in the amount of BENTLEY time we had. I mean, sure, we got to see him onscreen, and yeah, he gave his usual vague answers.

Like “Hey…” and “You know…” and who can forget “Uh…?”

But seriously, Ashley didn’t even mention BENTLEY in one of those little interview snippets they always do, 1 hour and 23 minutes into the show. And she name-dropped him in every single one before that. BENTLEY was everywhere, and the world was as it should be. Dammit, Ash! Consistency!

I smelled a rat in the kitchen, and sure enough… Let’s just say you can tell by her reaction afterward her little BENTLEY closure conversation that ABC finally decided to secretly show her the BENTLEY tapes. Probably for fear of her sabotaging the entire show over him. Because she went from “Whuh-whuh-whuh-whyyyyyy??” to “THAT SON OF A BITCH—!” in no time flat. (And because even though Chris Harrison looked meaningfully into Ashley’s big fake-eyelash’d eyes and implored her to please, please force some closure with BENTLEY… she couldn’t do it on her own.)

After her spectacular public flub of telling a pack of ravenous man-whores that she had feelings for BENTLEY, I’m beginning to think she learned a lesson or two from the Brad Womack School of Expressively Speaking Stupidly. Like she has to get out every… single… thing… she’s thinking… and in a confusing and tangent-laden manner. So really, nothing gets accomplished, and the men, like the inattentive puppies they are, only hear the first few sentences. Namely, “I fell for BENTLEY.”

Mickey actually won this round; he got to vacation in faraway places without spending a dime of his own money, left with a small semblance of his dignity intact (re: BENTLEY: “If that’s what you’re into…”), and will probably parlay his boldness into getting laid. A lot.

Angry Dentist Guy got booted, and looked like a loser in doing so. That was funny. Dude hated Smiley Ryan so freaking much…

I love that, when the episode ended, ABC felt compelled to tease the rest of the season rather than next episode. Because that basically means next episode is a huge pile of dog crap, and you can just skip it and watch… whatever the hell else is on a Monday night. (Not football, huh.) And I love that they went right to whatever heartbreak she suffers at that finale moment. Whoever she picks ends up completely screwing her over, leaving her in tears and heartbreak. Ashley should trademark tears and heartbreak. And general stupidity.

But thanks for that sneak-peek! Like they couldn’t wait to show us why we need to keep watching.

Silly ABC. Of course we’re going to keep watching. This is the best year of The Bachelorette EVERRRRR.

Sure, the dudes are dull as stone. And yeah, watching a scene in which Ashley attempts to hold an intelligent, meaningful conversation with BENTLEY is like watching a can of paint thinner try to converse with a brick. (It ended with “That’s it.” And “Kay.” Gripping.) But damn, it’s an awful lot of fun to watch skanks and bros flame out spectacularly. And the flame-outs are in record number this season, because most of them belong to Ashley.

I pity her, but not so much as to not stop myself from laughing uproariously every time she does something completely pea-brained.

If you too are completely pea-brained, follow me on Twitter! That’s @Axechucker! You love me.