HOUSE “Last Temptation” Review

HOUSE (FOX) "Last Temptation"

HOUSE “Last Temptation” Season 7 Episode 19 – Thirteen officially rejoins the team, but this episode of HOUSE isn’t about her; it’s about the “Last Temptation” of Masters as she begins her internship. Oh, and there are chickens.

Remember when the pre-opening credit teasers were about the patient of the week? Neither do I. Instead, we open on Masters and her paper airplanes. I have to laugh at her popping up studying when her alarm rings because sadly that was me studying for the bar. Unfortunately, that’s about the most Masters entertained me all night. “She’s completely honest but also completely boring.” Thus begging the question of why the writers thought focusing an entire episode on Masters would make for riveting television. I (more or less) like Masters and I love Amber Tamblyn, but she’s not the most scintillating character, so maybe putting her in every scene isn’t the best idea.

Regardless, it’s Masters’ last day of med school, she needs one final LP to finish her log, and the team has a sixteen-year-old patient who needs to be treated quickly so she can break a sailing record. Oh, and House suddenly wants an intern. Specifically, an intern named Masters who can lie. Cue the handwringing and 107 different pained/bemused/tormented expressions that flit across Masters’ face as she solemnly ponders her future. I think House taking away Masters’ internship was as telegraphed as the fact she would get it back, but I didn’t think she would take her newfound lying skills as far as she did to save Kendall. Or was it to prove she’s exceptional? Anyway, as stupid as Kendall and her parents are for choosing to postpone the arm amputation so Kendall can break the record (and possibly die of cancer), it is their choice. There’s aggressive doctoring and then there is battery. At least Masters finally figures out—well, not what she wants, but what she doesn’t want, which is to stay with House. “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” is an odd choice to send Masters off since it really is House’s song, but maybe this moment will mean something for House at a later date. Or maybe it means nothing other than the obvious. I honestly can’t tell. I want to like her send-off with the tripping over the chicken, last sweet smile, and all, but this episode is just so overwrought.

Blink and you’ll miss Cuddy in her single scene pointedly not giving Masters advice. Ignoring Cuddy is certainly one way to deal with the House/Cuddy fiasco. Not that the team is in the episode all that much, either: Taub is almost completely MIA—probably off having sex with Rachel while Chase and Foreman pop in and out to give Masters their conflicting views on whether she should stay. The House changes you for the worse meme is spread thick tonight. Is it all about Masters or is it foreshadowing for something else?

Stacy gets an indirect shout-out via a “Three Stories” reference, so she has not in fact been forgotten, which is comforting. No mention of Dominika, which is almost too bad because Masters could have used a massage this episode. Thirteen’s return is much lower key than I expected, but I wonder how long the boys will buy the rehab story.

House and Wilson’s chicken bet is several kinds of awesome. I know it adds nothing to the plot and is childish and silly, but it’s such fun when the boys play together, especially when they’re both completely committed to winning. “That bird belongs to Dr. Gregory House!” I’m glad we find out Wilson’s chicken is (physically) okay after its unexpected game of fetch and I hope we see the ferret bet. Yes, I realize it’s sad that my favorite part of tonight’s House has nothing to do with the main plot or the patient, but there it is. Oh, and please bring back the adorable dog. House needs a mascot.

“It’s time for Masters to say goodbye.” There was a time when I thought Masters would be a great long-term addition to the show, but then her self-righteous black and white world view took over and she became too much of a Mary Sue, so while I’m sorry she wasn’t fleshed out better, I’m not sorry to see her go. I just wish her leaving didn’t have to be yet another overdose of drama.

Favorite lines:

“It’s kind of like coming to the end of an extreme roller coaster. Even with the terror, nausea, and whiplash, I’m a little sad that it’s over.”

“Loved ones are always the last to know. Loved ones and robotic estranged ex-boyfriends.”

“There are no wrong choices—at least that’s what they tell people who make crappy choices.”

“Lying about a lie—that’s practically telling the truth.”

“House’s people have personalities that range from nose to pardon me while I do this cavity search.”

“I’m pretty sure the law of the land states that people have the right to be an idiot. I think it’s the second amendment.”

What did you think of “Last Temptation?” Are you happy, sad, or indifferent to Masters’ departure? Next new episode of House is in two weeks. “I was just thinking that I want a relationship with no sex, but where I still have to deal with your mother.” How optimistic are you the House/Cuddy-ness will be handled well?

Follow me on Twitter @michstjame