AMERICAN IDOL “Top 9 Results” Review

American Idol 2011

AMERICAN IDOL “Top 9 Results” Season 10 Episode 25 – Well, let’s get it out of our systems: that cathartic scream that fans of American Idol have locked within their lungs after watching Pia Toscano go home. And while you’re at it, keep a little breath, a little anger, in reserve for the judges, because they deserve it as much as the fans who forgot to vote for her.

Mostly it’s in J-Lo’s lap. Maybe some blame for Steven Tyler, though he’s just starting to look bored now. His “Yeah, great” comments are kind of delivered with a shrug. But Lopez…

Logic: Pia and Stefano are the only two left on the stage, Jennifer. You have bent over backwards trying to tell us how great Stefano is, Pia gets the boot, and you look like someone just shot your mother. Ryan asks you “What happened?” You answer, with tears in your eyes, “I have no idea!”

Look, dummy, you’re either lying about your opinion regarding Stefano, or you decided to get all dramatic about Pia at the opportune time when the cameras were all on you so that you could play it up. Or you’re basically the village idiot and really don’t understand what’s going on.

I can spell it out. Like I have been spelling it out the past few weeks: When You Treat All Of Them The Same, You Can’t Act Shocked When Any One Of Them Goes Home. I’m sick to death of these judges, and I say it at the end of every performance episode: they are a big part of bringing these crazy results about with their across-the-board praise. And shame on Ryan for not following up with the obvious question: “Well if not Pia, then who should go?” Randy might have answered that. Steven would have mumbled and shrugged, and J-Lo probably would have looked insulted he asked the question in the first place. Because that’s a tough question for her, and the answer insults somebody, and she’d never do that to anyone!

And of course the show wouldn’t have allowed one of its precious judges to be put in a bad spot, would it? No. Not when this season is All About The Judges.

I can’t believe I’m coming close to actually disliking a judge more than Dioguardi.

So, America, what does this mean? Every week we find another woman gone. There is no way a woman’s going to win this competition now that Pia’s said hasta. We still have the same six men we began the show with. All six. The women are down to two. Granted, I’m pretty sure Stefano will go, or Jacob (HAH!—bottom three, you loudmouth diva!) because of the resentment he’s so quickly built up. But after that? I think the top 3 will be boys. I’m nearly certain of it.

Oh, were any of you interested in the actual show? Beyond the crazy results, I mean?

(Crickets… crickets…)

I’ll say this real quick: For American Idol viewers who’ve never seen Iggy Pop perform live, their faces are probably still stuck in a semi-permanent “Waa Taaa Faaa” look. But don’t hate on the man. If any of us look that good with our shirts off at the age of 80, we should count our blessings.

I liked the banter with the TMZ crew. Unlike most gossip shows (Entertainment Tonight, The Insider, etc.) TMZ doesn’t pretend to be anything it isn’t. TMZ is a gossip/snark show that isn’t afraid to poke an immense amount of fun at itself—or at its boss, Harvey Levin, who is often the target of various barbs from his own employees. (A colorful lot, that.) I would rate it the best “gossip reporting” show, hands down.

Oh, and there was a performance by Constantine Maroul… uh… (yaaawn…)

Where was I? Oh yeah.

Travesty. But get used to it. If everyone is just as good as everyone else, you have no right to be upset when one of them goes home.

Crazy.

If you are also crazy, or if you still hate Kara, follow me on Twitter. I’m @Axechucker!

In the meantime, here is a photo of the Top 8 Finalists on American Idol: lockwise from Left: Jacob Lusk, Haley Reinhart, Paul McDonald, Srefano Langone, Casey Abrams, Scotty McCreery, Lauren Alaina and James Durbin.

American Idol 2011