AMERICAN IDOL “Hollywood Week Round 1” Review

AMERICAN IDOL Hollywood Week Round 1

AMERICAN IDOL “Hollywood Week Round 1” Season 10 Episode 8 – Welcome to the nerve-jangling gauntlet that is Hollywood Week, the place that chews up and spits out those without the real talent and/or intestinal fortitude. A record 327 contestants entered the Kodak Theater in Hollywood, and 168 advanced to the next stage of competition, leaving the rest wallowing in teeny angst and demonstrative self-pity for the drama-hungry American Idol cameras to eyeball.

I’m not going to name the ones still breathing; FOX did not show all 168 anyway, instead only highlighting the ones we already know best – and of course re-hashing their stories. Like we needed to see Tiffany Rios’ star-speckled boobs again, right?

No we did not. And this post will NOT be dedicated to those proud souls who have successfully advanced to the dreaded “Group Stage” of the competition. Instead this is my semi-fond farewell to those left in the dust. It’s also my way of saying “I told you so.”

But first! I need to address the ONE THING I got wrong:

My only 5-star performer, Scott Dangerfield (Milwaukee auditions), one of a very small handful of talents I had slotted for the final 12, willingly pulled out of the competition. (If internet rumors are to be believed.) (And I believe everything I read on them internets.) Why is this, you ask? How could it happen? A girlfriend’s desperate, lonely plea? A sick grandmother? A lack of respect for the Dangerfield name?

No. Apparently he chose to finish school rather than pursue the Idol dream.

Now … normally here is where I rail at the dude. Like I rail at professional-caliber athletes who forgo the pros to finish school. Harangue me all you want, but the human body has a finite window for peak performance. Getting a degree? You can go back and get a degree when you’re freaking eighty-five years old and getting age-discounted sirloin at Sizzler. Skipping the opportunity for success in the thing you love just to get a degree is, in my view, moronic. Or lazy. Or revealing a fear of the Big Bad Real World.

But I’m going to forgive Mr. Dangerfield on this one, because he is not just a student, he is a student teacher. There is a chance he was doing this for others. Doin’ it for the kids! If that’s the case, bravo, Scott; you’re a better man than me.

Now then. On to the Hasta la vista babies!

Farewell, Victoria Huggins, ye of the limitless energy, squeaky voice and slightly-fake positivity. Maybe you’ll find your true calling voicing cartoons.

Good-bye Stormy Henley. J-Lo was right, “The Smallest Voice Ever” should never have gotten this far. At least you can now go do what you really wanted to do, which is model.

Seeya, Sarah Sellers, though I have yet to decide if she’s Steven Tyler’s future bride or Liv Tyler’s long-lost little sister. But this at least proves Michael Slezak is wrong once every century.

Sayonara, Jaquelyn Dupree, they’re not standing by you any more. I hardly knew you, but what I saw wasn’t terrible. Keep plugging, girl.

Buh-bye Steve Beghun, the accountant with the frightening falsetto. Watching you dance around onstage to those painful Idol group numbers would have been … interesting. Count yourself lucky.

Shazam! Know who’s gone? Heidi Khzam! Just like that! KHZAM! (Didn’t see THAT coming, did you?) (Of course you did. We all did.) Bye-bye belly dancer.

Peace out, Nick Fink, the judges think you stink! Actually, he wasn’t atrocious; he just comes off a little … poseur-y. And Nick does have to watch forlornly as his true love Jaqueline advances, breaking up the only real power couple (henceforth know as PWR CPL) the show has.

(The other PWR CPL, Rob & Chelsee, is actually a non-PWR CPL, as they broke up a while back. And I am standing by my prediction that Rob goes a lot further than Chelsee. In fact, I’m sticking that dude in my Top 12 lock.)

Adios, Travis Orlando, the homeless, jobless wunderkind from the Bronx. I still think this dude has the goods. Don’t give up, bro!

In the end there were no huge shockers (other than the Dangerfield no-show); there were no season 7 Josiah Leming “what the hell were they thinking” omissions.

(And Leming is doing fine, actually, having released two EP’s and a full album. His “Arctic Outcry Wind” is a brilliant song.)

Next week will be fun: American Idol‘s GROUP PERFORMANCES. Because nothing invites drama like forcing a bunch of artists to perform together. Can’t wait!

Follow me on Twitter, Idol freaks! That’s @Axechucker, if you know what’s good for ya!

In the meantime, check out photos of this latest episode of American Idol:

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