AMERICAN IDOL “San Francisco Auditions” Review

AMERICAN IDOL San Francisco Auditions

AMERICAN IDOL “San Francisco Auditions” Season 10 Episode 6 – At least FOX didn’t have to come out and openly announce they had decided to go lowbrow this season. Opening on a disconsolate contestant who blurts, “Just because somebody farts, let ’em finish singing, okay?” is proof enough.

You have to ask yourself if Simon would have kicked someone out for farting. I imagine he would have ignored it, as British farts are more austere.

Anyway.

It looks as though this year’s American Idol is going to showcase a showdown between Milwaukee and San Francisco (and will probably be a lot more competitive than Brewers v. Giants). San Fran brought it’s “A” game, and why not? This is the place that brought us Glambert (via San Diego, sure), and we sort of expect talent.

Well, we expected talent in L.A. too. I’m still trying to erase that wasted hour from my skull.

And that’s not to say San Fran didn’t have its share of idiocy. It had “Transformer Guy,” it had a dude dressed up as a monkey, it had a nice Ukrainian girl who has a solid future as a porn star … it even had a preacher / musician who was basically Shannon Hoon reincarnated with a beard but without any real talent.

(On the plus side, his “preacher” status swings the Chino Hills American Idol karma scale back to balanced after they delivered the mess that was Bikini Girl a few years back.)

San Fran was good, though like Austin it held back from showing all the winners. On American Idol, it doesn’t matter your talent; if you don’t have a sob story to go along with your voice, we’re only going to glimpse you for maybe ten seconds. (Sorry, Lara Johnston.)

Here were the top San Francisco performers as I saw ’em:

Stefano Langone, 21, from Kent, WA: 4 1/2 stars. Dude reminds me a little of Boston Rob from Survivor, except much, much better looking. Great voice, nice confidence, smooth … the ladies will love him. A lock for the top 12.

Lara Johnston, 20, a student from Novato, CA: 4 stars. Fiona Apple vibe, unique voice. I would rank her higher if she were onscreen longer. I think she will survive Hollywood, though, and hopefully America gets to see and hear more.

Emily Anne Reed, 26, a barista from Arlington, VA: 4 stars. Has there ever been anyone with a more annoying, childlike speaking voice? Other than Pee-Wee Herman, I mean. Like who else says, “My house burned down!” so chirpily? (And did anyone else think this was a paraphernalia-related fire? Ah, stoners.) Grating! But weirdly, as soon as she opened her Carly Simon mouth to sing, it completely worked. You just don’t hear that every day. Or ever. I’ll put her in the top 12 if America doesn’t reject her because of her speaking voice.

James Durbin, 21, from Santa Cruz, CA: 3 1/2 stars. Sure, it’s sad his bassist dad died of a drug overdose when he was 9, and yeah, it must suck living with both Terets and Asperger’s, but if this guy starts bawling every time he sings we’re going to grow tired of it quickly. Lucky for him, he’s got one of those Adam Lambert voices. Now all he needs is some help in the hair department, and he could go far.

Matthew Nuss, 25, a music director from Huntington Beach, CA: 3 1/2 stars. Looks like a chubbier, darker-haired Josh Holloway. Son of a bitch! He doesn’t sing bad either.

Clint Jun “Junebug” Gamboa, 26, a karaoke host from Long Beach, CA: 3 1/2 stars. Nice runs, though he warbles a little into Ethel Merman territory. A little less of the Long Beach Inna Houuuuse vibe will do him wonders too. Keep those funky glasses though.

Brittany Mazur, 21, a dance studio manager from Tucson AZ: 2 1/2 stars. Pretty eyes, average voice. And how many times has Duffy’s “Mercy” been sung already? Stop!

Lastly … Julie Zorrilla, 20, the Colombian girl with the L.A. accent: 2 stars. Her I’m not sold on at all. I think if she gets past Hollywood it will be on her looks alone, and then America will vote her and her exaggerated lip gyrations off the show. I don’t think she’ll make it that far though.

Tomorrow: HOLLYWOOD WEEK! Where the men are women, the women are crazy, and the weak get their spines ripped out of their bodies. Can’t wait!

Follow me on Twitter! That’s @Axechucker, , fools. I’m your real idol!

In the meantime, check out photos of the latest episode of American Idol.

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