CSI: MIAMI “Wheels Up” Review


CSI: MIAMI “Wheels Up” Season 9 Episode 12 – After what was somewhat of an over-long intro to this week’s installment of CSI: Miami, “Wheels Up” really got rolling as the episode progressed. (See what I did there?) This week’s episode focused on roller derby, which looks like it could be the coolest sport that I have absolutely no knowledge about. I do know that after watching this episode, however, I want to secure tickets to the next local game ASAP.

Connie Briggs, a roller derby player, is found dead in the locker room bathroom after the game. At first, the scene showing her death looked more like an intro for House than an intro to CSI. It looked like she was just violently ill, but turns out she was beat up so much it caused her to bleed out internally. To discover the cause of death, we had to be subjected to one of the grossest visuals that I’ve ever seen on a CSI show: We had to watch Tom emptying the blood out of Connie’s chest cavity like he’s ladling some kind of drink out of a punch bowl. {Shudder}

Did anybody else think that the flashback of Tara being paralyzed on the roller derby rink was incredibly lame? She gets pushed by Connie to side of the roller derby rink, and then it looks like she just slowly rolled over the rail. It’s almost as if the stunt person didn’t think their fall was convincing enough, so they just threw themselves against the railing again.

In the end we find out that Lucy, Connie’s room mate and lover, was the one who killed Connie. I personally thought this was a somewhat disappointing ending, because it really looked like a mistake. It looked more like Lucy just pushed her over in anger, but that she didn’t mean to kill her at all or even hurt her. How was she supposed to know that she had a bunch of ribs that were going to come loose and end up killing her? At least her punk boyfriend ended up getting beat up by Horatio at the end.

Random Thoughts:

-“Wrath of Connie” is the nerdiest roller derby name ever.

-What was up with the biker guy “Jake” having the swankiest house of all time?

-You gotta love IMDb.com. They list the guy in the opening scene who was yelling at the derby girls as “Drunken Derby Douche Bag“. Well played, IMDb.