AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL “Roberto Cavalli” Review

America's Next Top Model (CW) Roberto Cavalli

AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL “Roberto Cavalli” Cycle 15 Episode 13 – It is the finale of America’s Next Top Model and the top two are Ann and Chelsey. You know from the opening monologues which model the producers are behind. Chelsey’s emotional depiction of her years of failure as she struggled to achieve her dream is sad, but, for God’s sake, Ann is tall! She’s tall, the poor thing. It’s the saddest thing in the world. Worse than poverty and failure and baby eating swans. Listen. The acoustic background music tells you so.

The first photo shoot revealed what the judges have been saying all along: Chelsey is pretty, sure, but take a look at Ann!

Of course to make this episode at all interesting, and without the devious personalities that made previous Cycles (I’m looking at you, No. 9) legendary, conflict must be contrived. Ann is shy, so the challenge will be a commercial. It always is, of course, but this year, because it is the new and improved Top Model, they’re going to be shooting their commercials properly, which means they’ll be dubbing. That’s Chelsey’s advantage snuffed.

Ann looks ridiculously happy. You know she’s shoving her stiletto into Chelsey’s thigh under the table.

The fambams of Chelsey and Ann are hauled out of some random street. It’s quite lovely. Until they’re told their fambams would be watching them, not only at the photo shoot but at the fashion show as well.

Chelsey is selling herself to the vt. If I was nasty I would twirl a moustache, laugh and sneer “she’s so delusional.” But I’m not nasty, so I shall not.

Liz, Chris, Jane and Kayla return with Cycle 14’s winner Krista since they’re cheaper to get into a fashion show than actual models.

For the fashion show Ann looks amazing. Her eyes kill. They’ve dressed Chelsey in the ugliest dresse they could possibly find.

Final decision time. Tyra yammers on the length of Shoah. A thousand years pass. The judges deliberate. An Ice Age comes and goes. And the winner is…the winner is…the winner of America’s Next Top Model is…


Nope. Just kidding. It’s Ann. It has been from week one. Chesley’s dreams are crushed as she stands about the place while Tyra soaks up the melodrama of Ann’s win. Tyra gives her obligatory pep talk to show that, y’know, she cares. Or something. But c’mon. She should’ve known that Ann was gonna win.

Which is partly why this wasn’t quite the best season of Top Model, but let’s face it, who watches this show for the competition? It’s the bitching that draws you in.

What did you think of this cycle overall? How does it stand up to the rest? Have any favourite moments? Sound off in the comments below.

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