THE X FACTOR UK “Results Show 7” Review

X Factor Results 7

THE X FACTOR UK “Results Show 7” – Eight are left, seven are heading home. The X Factor charity single will also be performed, so I suppose I shouldn’t say anything particularly mean, even if they do intend to destroy David Bowie’s legacy. Who will be in the bottom two? Really, if there’s any justice in the world, Matt and Wagner should be in the bottom two, but it’ll be between Katie and Paije maybe, won’t it.

First up though is Olly Murs. Last year, you may remember, he murdered The Beatles’ Come Together by ripping open his shirt, so it’s only right he should return on the dullest of nights in The X Factor history. He sings a song about sea shells and the beach. I hate it. It’s so happy, it’s even got a banner reading ‘True Love’ wrapped around a heart in the background. He slipped in Cheryl’s name, which is such a marketing ploy. Even his dancers are imitating her Fight For This Love dance from last year. At least that gives me a chance to reminisce about the night Cheryl Cole trumped Whitney Houston in singing.

For the charity single, David Bowie’s Heroes, the finalists (all twelve of them) are dressed in white-ish colors. Matt, Rebecca and Treyc sing their lines, and then Belle Amie crop up to bounce their shoulders. Paije looks uncharacteristically sombre. Katie is back with her MIa Farrow-do. Why must all of these songs be so miserable? It’s such a dull cover. No Suffragette City or Space Oddity? I’d like to see Paije’s ‘wham, bam, thank you mam!’ far more than this forgettable schlep.

Results time! And Katie is through, proving that changing one’s appearance is a surefire way to get people to like you. Eventually, it comes down to Paije and Cher and Wagner. And…Wagner is through! What! Rubbish!

Dannii looks up to the sky. Matt is her only hope now. I suppose we might as well do Paije the courtesey of listening to him for the last time ever in our lifetimes.

Paije is singing Stop. I really like him, and I will miss him. He’s about 10,000 times more interesting and likable than Matt, Wagner and Mary. They will probably be the final three too. Ugh.

Cher is up singing Stay. A much better song choice. She’s already got the tears brimming. And the ‘hope and pray’ breakdown is just unbeatable.

Simon sends home Paije. Cheryl sends home Paije. Dannii stands by her act and sends Cher home. Louis sends Paije home.

So Paije is sent home. Neither should have been in the bottom, as the judges said, but I would have gnawed my toe had Cher been sent home. Next week will be one without Paije, and we still have to sit through 3 minutes of Wagner.

What are your views? Who should have been in the bottom two? Sound off in the comments below!

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