THE X FACTOR 2010 UK “Bootcamp: Stage 1” Review

The X-Factor Season 7 Bootcamp Stage 1

THE X FACTOR bootcamp auditions, episode 7 of the seventh season, found some going home, some remaining. Simon compares it to an episode of Star Trek. It’s time to cut 211 acts down to 100.

The contestants are first split into their four categories: Girls, Boys, Groups, Overs. The Group are set to sing Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now. Really guys? Can you imagine the Pussycat Dolls singing such drivel?

First up, its the Overs with a collectively horrific rendition of Lady Gaga’s Poker Face. The Boys and Groups perform, I think. They were so quick I’m not sure.

It’s the girls who get the screen time, singing Beyonce’s If I Were A Boy. Simon was right: Chloe would be a nightmare to work with. But she’s super entertaining to watch.

Day two of bootcamp found the contestants are taught how to dance. It is not a judged section of the show, but it’s up to Brian and his dance goons to teach them all to dance, to let go, to o give themselves stage presence.

Mary Byrne’s knees are giving way because dancing and arthritis do not go well together. Zain Malick does not feel like dancing (Scissor Sisters!) so Simon goes and has a chit chat with him. It’s hard to feel sympathy for him, unless of course this is all scripted, especially with Mary Byrne. Ultimately the dancing is pretty pointless and dull to watch.

The final challenge of bootcamp saw the contestants choosing from a list of 40 songs to sing solos. Nicole shares her wisdom: “I guess this is where we separate the boys from the men and the pussycats from the dolls”. Em…

First up is Cher Lloyd, who as we all know, is right up Cheryl’s street. She lets us know she wrote her own lyrics as an intro to Coldplay’s Viva La Vida. Her rendition is different. I didn’t like the rap intro, but I loved that she tried to do one. She’s so refreshing from the usual, as Katie Waissel put it, “Beyonce Belters”. Keri Arrindel sings Radiohead’s Creep, so by virtue of picking a kickass song, I want her to go through. Wait, scratch that, her rendition was just kicked to the curb by Treyc Cohen’s, who put some, shall we say, oomph, into it. Nicole Scherzinger wants to take her on tour if The X Factor doesn’t want her.

Storm is crazy, but he can sing, s he proves in a Jedward meets Guns & Roses rendition of Sweet Child O’ Mine, complete with karate kick. I can imagine if he made it into the top 12 he would slip arsenic into the drinks of his fellow contestants. That, or else I’ve watched the Cell Block Tango once too often.

Chloe is next to audition: she went out partying last night. But she is putting the work in for it. You see, it’s always on her mind. As she answers the corny “Why I’m ready for this” I realize it’s like an AA meeting. Her voice is thin when she belts, and it’s almost a sure thing she’s gone…except….Simon feels bad for her.

Liam Payne, the kid who was rejected from The X Factor two years ago when he was 14, sings Oasis, and he sounds like a young, depressed, Michael Bublé.

Stephen Hunter brings some fun to the proceedings. Man band The Reason sings Bad Romance. How many times have I heard this song? Matt Cardle, AKA Producer’s Black Horse, AKA, The Painter, sings “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” and despite a lack of comfort on stage, it’s probably the best performance on the boot camp.

What did you think of bootcamp? Any favorites? Anyone you want to see disappear from your television sets forevermore? Join me tomorrow night to see who stays and who goes. And of course, any thoughts, let me know in the comments below!

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