AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL Cycle 15 Episode 1 Review

America's Next Top Model - CW - Cycle 15 Pilot

AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL premiered its fifteenth cycle last night and as Tyra said six million times, it is a cycle like no other. A new deal with Vogue Italia paves the way for an emphasis on high fashion and gives the show more credibility than it has had with Seventeen magazine. The same Cosmo Girl prize of $100,000 is still in place, Tyra’s wackiness is intact and the bitch fests are already in full swing.

ANTM got under way with the girls heading to Palm Springs. Not that these hillbillies and Ivy Leaguers and tumbleweed posers knew where Palm Springs was, but they squealed with the enthusiasm of a kid in Lapland. Really they squeal at anything and everything: the Jays, Tyra, questions about how they’re feeling.

After fourteen cycles Tyra is a master at the bipolar meetings. Every contestant has a horrific and despondent childhood-from sleeping in sleeping bags to remaining a virgin because of a dislike of semen to leaving the house at fourteen, everyone enters in giggles and leaves in grief within, ooh, I’d say roughly twenty seconds. Except Jane, whose parents built her a barn and got her horses and sent her to Princeton. Her nickname is Ivy Leaguer. You could almost feel the disgust wafting off Tyra when she found out the girl’s parents…dear Christ…actually loved her.

There was no blindness or Asperger’s introduced so far. Usually Tyra likes a good ole’ disability to get behind. But don’t despair just yet-maybe someone will get a cavity and Tyra can lecture us all on the importance of dental hygiene.

The first round of cutoffs was done by party invitations: Invited and you were in and Excused and you were…well, it’s pretty obvious right? This led to the departure of Miss Minnesota who beforehand said “I’m not really nervous because I know I’m amazing.” Aw…

The second round of cutoffs, after a photo shoot between what the judges determined to be every girl’s biggest competition, bid farewell to the other villain: Jordan, who doesn’t like materialism or consumerism or commercialism…but really wants to be a model. I’m with Lexie: this blonde pixie is a pretentious twit. Who doesn’t like consumerism? Still, I would have loved to have seen her for a good while yet. Remember Jade from cycle nine?

Favorite moments:

Tyra’s beatboxing.

Kacey’s manipulation of Lexie to out herself as a gossiping bitch (which she is but, in fairness, who isn’t?)

Jay defending the credibility of white rappers using Vanilla Ice as the example. Seriously, Jay? Seriously?

Tyra on Rhianna’s (the girl who posed as a willow and tumbleweed) old lady hat and wacky dress: “She lost her mind all the way into rightness!”

All in all a good start to an interesting season. I don’t have any girl to root for yet, but did anyone catch your eye or entertain you? I quite liked the sisters Chris and Terra and I’m glad both got in. Let me know what you thought of the premiere and this cycle of Top Model.

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