Secret Life of the American Teenager - ABC Family - Season 3 Episode 14 - Rules of Engagement

There have been many bad episodes of THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER but this week’s fourteenth instalment of the third season, called ‘Rules of Engagement’ takes the cake. I do not want to be at all ambiguous in my opinion of this episode so let me be perfectly clear: it was one of the most cringe-worthy, horrific episodes of television I have ever had the misfortune to sit through.

I knew it was bad when my eyes started fluttering before last week’s recap was over. I spent the entire time sipping on energy drinks, looking at the time. When I forced myself to look at the screen (you really have to force yourself) I felt violent. Maybe it was the preachy speeches, the horrific acting, the sappy storylines. Actually, discount ‘maybe’. The only good thing about this episode was the ending and any time Adrian or Tom appeared on screen-for some reason they annoy me less than the others.

Ben finds out Adrian’s ring was worth about $50,000. He spends a lot of time reminding the viewers of this fact. His folks want him to get the ring back or propose (don’t forget, it’s a friendship ring!). He blathers on for a while and eventually, when he reveals the cost of the ring to Adrian, she gives him the ring back. She’s a better person than I am (impossible, I know).

Ashley, AKA Desperate, runs away from home. She goes to Ricky’s house, lies in his bed and begs to have sex with her. I don’t know what could possibly irritate me about this character. He leaves and calls Amy who comes over and has a conversation about wanting to have sex with her baby daddy with her baby sister. But no, that nearly so cringe-worthy as:

Grant talking sex with Grace’s mother. How horrific. The preaching was horrific. The acting was horrific, the dialogue was horrific. It would never ever ever ever ever ever happen. Ever. In the history of everness. It just would not. Oh, and Grace and Grant about about to head off to med camp.

Grace tells Adrian she would have a better sense of accomplishment if she paid for university herself without help from Ben’s father. Because being a teen mom isn’t hard enough.

Ben and Amy finally meet up, and Ben tells her he was thinking about marrying Adrian. He goes back to Adrian and ends up kissing her.

Tom is offered a job as vice president of Human Resources in some company.

Oh, and the Juergens suddenly and inexplicably break up. I did not realize their marriage was unhappy, but I guess not. I guess the writers were stuck and thought another season of will the once married once divorced once almost married parents get together or won’t they.

Finally, Amy and Ricky and John get together for a nice fancy dinner. It ended nicely. As in the last scene was nice. In the way teal is nice.

Instead of wasting thirty minutes preaching about sex and abstinence, how about film the characters reading the Bible, taking it in turns to read out different passages.

What did you think of the episode? Am I like so totally wrong? Was it actually a wonderful episode of Secret Life, or do you agree with me and would like to make your disgust known to the world? Sound off in the comments below!

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