THE X FACTOR UK 2010: Auditions 3 (Series 7 Episode 3) Review

The X Factor (itv) Season 7 Episode 3

Birmingham is ready to unveil its talents in THE X FACTOR‘s third week of auditions. Talents galore, auto-tuning by Cowell’s command is no more, and we finally get to see that long advertised punch.

Without further ado, the acts!

Patti Eleode: I really cannot describe the sounds the emerged from her mouth. It was sort of like the squealing sounds a pig would make as it’s dragged into the slaughterhouse. If there were lyrics in that song she certainly did not stop to enunciate.

Liam Payne: As Louis would say “he checks all the boxes”. The 16 year old who sings like Michael Bublé and has the Bieber hair and cuteness going for him sang ‘Cry Me A River’ and he was excellent. He was the best singer, male or female, the show has had on so far this season. And he has confidence-at one point crossing the stage like he was about to punch a tiger. Simon (massive fat almighty pound signs spinning in his eyes) gave him the first standing ovation of this season (so did guest judge Natalie Imbruglia but it was more out of kiss-assery than actual spontaneity).

Ablisa: Best friends Abby and Lisa who quickly became one of the most memorably rude auditions (probably the rudest) in The X Factor history. They sang. They insulted Natalie Imbruglia with a “who are you?” -dudes, she sang ‘Torn’ which is not only one of the best pop-breakup songs ever, but it’s like, a staple of the nineties. They sang. The called Louis old. They sang. They insulted the audience. They sang a duet, with one of the girls’ backs turned to the audience. An interesting technique. Finally the audition ended with one of the girls elbowing the other in the face right on stage. What a lady. They were, if nothing else, entertaining, prompting my mother to send me this text: “I was so surprised to see you and Katie (my sister) on The X Factor this evening”. Ha. Ha. Tumbleweed.

Cher Lloyd: Cursed with an unfortunate first name, the utterly endearing Cher had by far the most original audition we’ve seen, singing the Keri Hilson version of Soldier Boy’s ‘Turn My Swagger On’ with a street attitude Beyonce would be proud of. Cheryl is absolutely clawing to mentor the most contemporary singer The X Factor has had yet. No powerhouse vocals, no quirky rasp, Cher Lloyd is straight up Top 40 pop. And Top 40 sells.

Storm Lee: Annoying. His goal is to win awards. His voice is fine. Okay, it’s really good. But his birth name was Lee Gardner and he added Storm of his own free will. He tried to make an argument about Lady Gaga and Elton Jon and their pseudonyms but I actually agree with Simon about his stupid name. The most entertaining part of his audition was when Cheryl admonished Simon for his rudeness.

Cher and Liam, both sixteen, were by far the best and most entertaining in my humble opinion. What did you think? Can you see the frontrunners or has no one stood out? Is this shaping out to be a good or bad season? Let me know in the comments below!

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