The X FACTOR UK 2010: Auditions 2 (Season 7 Episode 2) Review

The X-Factor (ITV) The Reason

The second episode of THE X FACTOR‘s seventh season was…lacking, to say the least. We started off in Baile Átha Cliath, or Dublin, where the auditions only served to prove my granny’s theory that the only thing to reach the television screens about the land of saints and scholars from England depicts the Irish as boozy illiterate untalented thugs mulling around muck and tractors. For years I tried to defend the English (never a good idea in my house) but after this episode of The X Factor my defences have not only fallen flat on their faces; they’ve been beaten, deafened and murdered.

All in all there were one and a half memorable auditions (the rest were all rubbish-the boring kind, not the entertaining train wrecks):

Rebecca: an unemployed hairdresser with a decent voice.

Mary: A no-nonsense Tesco worker who sings “I Who Have Nothing”. There was something lived about her performance. With all the young whipper schnappers and their angst ridden “oh woe is me” tales, Mary actually looks and sounds like she’s been through some trials in her life. Completely authentic and completely emotional.

There was one Dublin audition they showed on The Xtra Factor, but not The X Factor. Watch this YouTube video and Weep and laugh. It’s deadly.

Oh, and Katy Perry is fine as a guest judge. She livened up a bland episode with her sparkly top and wit. I would not be surprised if she joined The X Factor US.

Anyways, to London, where my granny is smugly awaiting a brilliant audition. She’s not disappointed and her hereditary Anglophobia continues. Here there are no guest judges and no malaria. Cheryl’s collapse was pushed back by Simon Cowell for next week who claimed to be dissatisfied by the editting.

Matt: Matt the painter/self proclaimed bum who is awaiting The End of Magnolia. He is awkward at first, but his voice is good and he’s through.

Then there’s a Michael Jackson impersonator. He says that MJ himself speaks to him to bring the love and the music. Clearly not the originality. He then protested against the audience. This was the best bit. I think his line: “The negativity in the room is unreal. It’s unreal” will go down as one of my favourite deliveries ever. He did not make it.

The Reason: a group of really good looking men (not boys, men). As they walk out onstage I find myself hoping they can sing. I would not mind watching them from now until Christmas. They sing Cheryl Cole’s ‘Fight For This Love’. And they can sing. And they are really really good looking. I’m swooning. The Reason: What an apt group name.

Annastacia Baker: A previous contestant who made it to Cheryl’s judges home in 2008. She sings Proud Mary. She engages the crowd. I hate her song choice. So did Simon who stopped her and has her just sing the song, standing still. She’s not Jedward. She has a voice. If not a wonderful voice. She doesn’t need to dance. Simon accuses her of singing like a cabaret singer. They dawdle on, eventually putting her through. It feels so scripted and forced. Blergh.

Well that’s that. Next year maybe they’ll skip Dublin-or advertise the auditions. I can guarantee you the talent shows in the colleges had more talent than the troupers the hauled out, not to insult troupers, who are awesome. London fared better. I’ll be surprised if any of the auditions are autotuned this week (the scandal caused a minor uproar-not that it would stop people from tuning in). The episode was a dull affair. No wonder the judges get so much focus: I’d slip into a coma watching the dull auditions. I need a Reason to watch The X Factor until Christmas. Heh.

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