PERSONS UNKNOWN “Static” Episode 9 Review

Persons Unknown

Episode 9 of PERSOS UNKNOWN, Static, sees Joe walking around wide eyed-and naked, but only for a little while. Apparently he can’t remember anything because of last week’s brainwashing session.

The Night Manager talks to a really annoying Irish guy who introduces him to the director, who is apparently trying to channel Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada but instead of cold fierceness she comes across as insipid. She believes Joe is the best candidate for the 10th level of the program, which gets me a little excited as I start thinking we’re about to watch a sort of Lost version of World of Warcraft. That would be really cool.

Janet tries to engage with Joe, who tells her that “you’re hardly my type.” Ooh, burn. It is like Persons Unknown suddenly stumbled onto 90210. But then Janet taps him on the shoulder and he turns into the Hulk and tries to choke her. Killing her would end the show, so he merely flips her over the counter. The killing comes later as we bid farewell to the Night Manager He should have known better: you cannot leave the program.

Renbe and Kat prove less annoying than usual… for perhaps a minute. Then he’s arrested. I’m not sure why he’s arrested. Really it seems quite pointless as Kat gets him out of jail about five minutes later. Then they’re taken across the border by Joe’s priest buddy who is immediately shot in the head. Unfortunately, the bullets miss Renbe and Kat, so we have to watch them hike through a forest. It’s supposed to be amusing. I think they’re supposed to be amusing and their conversation is supposed to be witty and fun. Moments like these when it’s just two actors and a half-decent script make you realize just how poorly the entire show was cast. Even Erika, who got me excited when she first appeared, seems woefully overacted with her stink eyes and jutting jaw. At least she has cool hair, so she’s one up on the dreadfully dull Janet.

Anyways, Renbe admits he’s still in love with Janet. Really? After abandoning her as their kid is born, he’s suddenly back in love with her? His motives have always been really weak. They still are.

Moira wants to use Janet as bait but Erika is so totally not down with that. Janet, luckily, is, so she agrees to lure Joe out.

It turns out she knows exactly where Joe is: about to jump off a roof. He throws her off the roof. The effects are really bad. It’s so clear she’s standing on something. But I have to admire all those veins on Joe’s head. I mean, Jason Wiles really got them cording.

Janet leads Joe through the hotel, past the rest of the prisoners. They intend Joe harm, but Janet will have none of it. She literally puts herself between Joe and the others, even punching Erika in the nose.

Watching, over the monitor, as Janet saves Joe and then vice versa, and then vice versa again, the director says the whole scenario is “interesting and unexpected.” Sadly, Persons Unknown was neither. Hampered by weak performances, a dull premise and silly plot lines and twists, Static was one of the weakest instalments yet. Hopefully Renbe and Kat’s arrival will bring some interesting dynamics, though I highly doubt this. Nevertheless, I’m eager for next week’s episode. Oh Persons Unknown, I wish I knew how to quit you.