SCOUNDRELS “Liar Liar Pants on Fire” Review

Scoundrels (ABC)

Episode 3 of SCOUNDRELS was called Liar Liar Pants on Fire. Let me say this: the acting is quite fine. Even good, maybe. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s continue.

This show may share similarities with another well known television show, The Good Wife: husband behind bars, loyal wife turning her life around, kids finding their footing sans papa. But The Good Wife, Scoundrels is not. Rarely would you hear Chris Noth telling his daughter and wife that “Victoria Secret models have nothing on my girls” This may make you gag, but hold the bile in, it gets better. The eldest brother of the West family, Logan, passes himself off as half Native American Indian…except he’s so Aryan he could have been genetically constructed by Hitler’s goons. And his name is Logan West. His sister Hope happens to be fluent in some American Indian dialect. He is also put in charge—pardon me, he is the sole lawyer—for a “landmark case”. What that case is, I haven’t quite figured out beyond it involving Native Americans, but even a DUI charge would probably get you at least an experienced lawyer and a law clerk. Meanwhile the slutty blonde sister (thankfully, even if the plots are ridiculous, the characters are original) Heather has slept with her mother’s married friend who has wisely offered her mother a job in his company whilst he ships his wife off to Paris. All of this takes place before the titles roll.

I am distracted by some stupid quotes: “Well,” Cheryl, the mother, says looking at a moderately messy pile of papers on a lovely desk in a spacious office. “They say the journey of a lifetime begins with the first step, and this could take a lifetime.” The she’s handed a wad of cash by her boss who hits on her…because nailing her daughter wasn’t enough. Later the eldest daughter walks into the kitchen dressed like a poor prostitute and her mother and little sister merely look at her disparagingly as she proudly flaunts her job as a “glamorous human coat hanger” which is actually a cocktail waitress at a strip joint. Logan’s archenemy converses with him and says a keyword that prompts Logan to actually open one of the many case files he’s never touched. He opens it to the exact page and solves the case, whispering the single line that will change everything…something about American Indians working in poor conditions and receiving far fewer benefits. Something any elementary school child could have told him. He then hires his twin brother to do some dirty work because that’s what brothers are for.

The father then lets his daughter take the job at the strip joint because her mother can sometimes be “overprotective.” And the mother allows this to happen, merely acting disgruntled as her daughter leaves for work.
If none of this has yet had you spewing cornflakes across the television screen then I suggest you just switch it off while you’re ahead.
Let me make myself clear: I hated this show. I hated every silly word uttered by every vapid character, who are all so stupid they should be shot, eliminating at least seven carbon footprints and slightly relieving the prison of its congestion problem in the fictional hellhole where Scoundrels is set.
Now I’m off to watch True Blood, a perfect showcase of class.