FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS Review – “May the Best Man Win” (S02E15)

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS - Zach Gilford as Matt Saracen, Taylor Kitsch as Tim Riggins, and Zach Gilford as Brian “Smash” Williams in “May the Best Man Win”

If ever a day comes that finds me paralyzed from the waist down, stuck in a wheelchair, and working a crap car salesman’s job in a town where the new vehicles on the lot outnumber the population, I wish, oh how I wish I would still be able to have a woman look me in the eyes and say: “I’m pregnant.”

“Lord have mercy,” I would rejoice (out of respect for FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS‘ religiosity), “I may be legless, and facing a dreary future in some Texas backwater town, but I can still knock up random chicks.”

Which is really the message I took from the plotline. But then I am immature, while Jason Street is honorable…or maybe he’s just a little desperate.

You see, he wants to have the baby, because: hallelujah, his boys can still swim, or maybe it’s just that one-night-stand chick (Erin) has a magical vagina.

Doesn’t matter, like Mama Smash said: “When God shuts a door he opens a window” and isn’t that really the point?

Smash seems to think so…or maybe he’s just a little desperate.

All the recruiters that he flipped off before he did the angry black guy thing on TV (going off threateningly about the white-supremacist-in-training he decked a few episodes ago) are now ignoring his come-and-get-me pleas. Whitmore, the sad sack 2 and 8 program is the only place that will take him, unless you count the up-and-coming but still small-time, Arena League. So Whitmore is Smash’s window and he climbs through it because God shut the door.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS - Matt Szuchry as Chris Kennedy, Minka Kelly as Lyla Garrity in “May the Best Man Win”

Speaking of shutting doors…Lyla’s BF (Chris) shuts the door on her sexual advances when she tries to seduce him. “Oh no Lyla,” I say to myself, “you may be pretending to be filled up with the Holy Ghost, but homeboy isn’t giving it up until you put a ring on his finger.” And it’s at that moment, when Chris (Is Chris short for Christ? As in “Christ, why doesn’t he lay Lyla already?”) turns down the blessing he was about to receive, that I know his days are doomed with Lyla…Because, while God from the Old Testament was vindictive and vengeful, he doesn’t have sh*t on a woman whom hath been scorned.

Chris m’man, what I am saying is this: never turn down sex with a woman if you ever plan to have friendly relations with her again, ever, because when you shut that door, well hell, she ain’t never gonna leave her window open.

Anyway, those are the main moments and not much else happens this episode, if you ask me, except Coach Taylor fights Tami’s old flame, Mo (Peter Berg – the series’ executive producer) at a post-game celebratory dinner and I am not so sure Coach Taylor wins.

Oh yeah, Saracen reminds Landry that Tyra is going to dump him, and Riggins, so that he can stalk her more effectively, gets a football talk show at the studio where Lyla works with Chris. He also shows up at her church every Sunday. All that would be creepy, except deep down Lyla loves it, thinks Riggins is cute, and knows that he won’t bring up all that religion crap when she’s ready to put out.

And, ho hum, I think that covers what went down in Dillon on Friday night folks, and that may be it. Rumor has it that this may have been the last episode of Friday Night Lights.

If so, then this very fine show, with its very fine actors, goes out with a whimper and not a bang.

No pun intended Chris.