FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS Review – “There Goes The Neighborhood” (Season 2 Episode 10)

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS - Jesse Plemons as Landry Clarke

Well done, Landry. Well done, son.

Sometimes a man has to stand in love not fall in it.

Yeah Tyra is a hot chick, but hot chicks are a dime a dozen in FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS‘ Dillon. For instance, Saracen rebounds from Julie with the hot cheerleader chick and then dumps her for, Carlotta, the hot live-in nurse.

But you sir, your capacity for Oprah-like sensitivity makes you more rare than an honest politician in Washington.

Now, listen to me son, sure you’re not gifted with the obvious physical attributes of that rival QB1 from Laribee (who now shares your school because a Tornado flattened his hometown), but when Tyra’s looks start to fade, and her value on the hot-chicks market starts to plummet faster than her boobs, she’s going to realize that all she really ever needed was a man that would kill for her, then weep like a helpless baby in her arms.

Women love that crying shit and as such you’re going to be a far greater catch than Tyra will ever be.

But what can I tell you Landry, woman is a strange country whose language you’ll never truly decipher. So to be more helpful, let’s go for a more detailed explanation of where I am coming from, however note the “but” halfway through because that’s going to be important.

The lesson: Over the course of a life-long, committed relationship your natural inclination to emote like a little girl increasingly fires up a woman’s endorphins, much like the idea of a threesome increasingly fires up a man’s endorphins. This means that in the long run what Tyra is to you, you will be to all the divorced and desperate 40-something women for whom stability and empathy will be hotter than Riggins’ abs. But (there’s the ”but” I told you about) you’re living in the present, and your present is high school where girls still have their looks, and can handpick any boy they want, which sucks for you because now they can afford to notice that your willingness to cry more than my little niece makes you a little punk.

I know, they say they want a sensitive man to understand their needs, their feelings – that’s all they yap about you say. True, true, but when they get said sensitive man they start yearning for the bad boy. And when they get the bad boy they start yearning for the sensitive guy…all…over…again.

Yes they even go for the kind of bad boy, like the rival QB1 who licks his fingers and runs it over Tyra’s shirt saying “Why don’t we get you out of those wet clothes.”

Yes, the line works eventually. Estrogen is one hell of a hormone is all I have to say.

Whatever, that’s all the past. All that matters is the here and now, and the good news Landry is that your speech to a despondent Tyra sitting all alone at the Fall Formal (while her date, the aforementioned QB1 from Laribee, who she chose for said dance over you, pukes his guts in the bathroom) puts you on the right track. You gave her the sweet: “I love the exceptional woman that’s underneath your skin,” speech; then the sour: “But you’re too much of an un-parented skank to recognize your potential” put down.

Boom. Bam.

Perfect, now she’s all confused, and if there is one thing a young woman loves more than a sensitive man, is to be confused. Now she’s thinking that she might lose you and chances are that means she’s now thinking “I just have to have him.”

(Oh yeah, forgive me the “sweet” and “sour” juxtaposition earlier; I’m warming up some Chinese food as I write this).

Anyway, son, if this is all too complicated, then just remember this one thing: buff QB1s become Buddy Garrity, sensitive cream-puff types become the guy that moves into Buddy Garrity’s home and pokes his wife. This while said Garrity gets the door closed in his face when he tries to win said soon-to-be remarried woman back.

Coooold blooodied…

Damn, old lady Garrity closed that door slow on Buddy too. Like: “How do you like me now, bitch?” Yeah, she was all teary eyed and what not, but a part of her felt good, too, which is her right since Buddy was a serial adulterer.

Ahh, Buddy sex complicates things my man, even when you’re not having any. Just ask Riggins. The poor boy’s ability to just radiate nerve-jangling jail-bait sexiness is his biggest problem in life next to the drinking and lack of adult supervision.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS - Taylor Kitsch as Tim Riggins

Just when he got the father figure he always wanted (Coach Taylor), here comes his damned sexiness to mess things up. Once he moves in with the Taylors, Shelley starts wanting him bad and Julie is intrigued all the way down to her young loins. Tami doesn’t even want to look at Riggins’ rippling muscles for fear that she might start seeing him in her head at the most indelicate of times. And then what happens. Riggins rescues a liquored up Julie from a potential date rape, brings her home and tries to put her to bed, only for Coach Taylor to walk into the room with Julie’s hands lingering around Riggins’ neck. It looks like what it looks like and Coach Taylor, who still thinks Saracen is the only man who should feel up his daughter, does his intense “say-one-word-and-I-will-murder-you-right-here-and-now” routine and kicks Riggins out of the only real family setting he’s ever been a part of.

Damn Riggins, don’t bring sexy back, ‘cause people don’t know how to act.

I feel you Tim. Ugly people control everything, and they are always acting all jealous. Yeah, pretty people star in TV shows and appear in magazines, but guess who owns the networks and the publishing companies? Yup, ugly people. It’s their ugliness that makes them go about the world angry all the time.

Take for example the player from Laribee that pees in your locker, or his coach that tries to beat you up because you’re calling out the punk for easing himself all over your gear. They hate you because you’re pretty man. You would have won that fight too, but daps to Coach Taylor who stepped in and roughed up that punk Laribee coach.

Time after time Coach Taylor proves himself to be a decent man who is only occasionally a pig to his wife. The way he shows the Dillon boys to act like real men when faced with adversity is great to see, and reminds us why he’ll never make it to the big college programs where the semi-pro athletes there don’t play that “I am your daddy” shit.

And thank God for that.