Scream Queens “Lovin the D” Review (Season 2 Episode 9)

Scream Queens 4

On the latest episode of “Scream Queens,” the Chanels, Dr. Holt and Munsch got a golden opportunity to redeem the hospital’s public image when a syndicated talk show doctor offered them the chance to televise a live surgery, while the various Green Meanies took a stab at finally working together to achieve their mutual goal of killing off the Chanels and Munsch, in the amusingly-titled “Lovin the D.”

We began with a miserable failure on the part of the Green Meanie killers to try and take out the Chanels once and for all. While Dr. Cascade thwarted everyone else’s attempts to take out his beloved Chanel #3, the others fought over who would have the honor of killing Chanel, resulting in all of them getting away.

What’s more, they also got sloppy, with Hoffel offering up a big clue as to her real motive, by giving them a heads-up that one of them knew about their Kappa past and that it was a primary motive, which did not go unnoticed, especially by Chanel #5. Finally, Wes exposed himself as the other rogue killer that the others weren’t aware of, leading daughter Hester to intervene and call a summit meeting of the Green Meanie killers to sort all of this out once and for all.

The following day, as the Chanels watched their favorite TV doctor, Dr. Scarlett Lovin (Brooke Shields!) tell the sad tale of Garrett, a patient with a massive facial tumor, Munsch popped in to introduce them to Dr. Arthur Annenburg (Ajay Mehta, “Royal Pains”), the editor of the magazine the now-missing Slade Hornborn once worked for, who had come to investigate his disappearance.

Naturally, he wanted to inspect the hospital for the potential violations Hornborn spoke of in their last call together as well, including the Chanels’ credentials- or lack thereof. To that end, Munsch informed the Chanels that, if they wanted to continue to work there, they would need to take their MCAT’s ASAP, much to their dismay.

Scream Queens 1

To make matters worse- or better, depending on how one looked at it- Dr. Lovin herself graced the hospital with an appearance to ask Dr. Holt and the Chanels to perform surgery on her aforementioned patient with the tumor live on her syndicated show, “Lovin the D,” hence the title of the episode.

Likewise, when Dr. Holt balks and lets it slide that the Chanels aren’t even real med students, Dr. Lovin and her producer tell them that the show can only go on if the Chanels can legally prove they are, in fact, working towards a licensed degree. To that end, the Chanels finally cave and agree to take the dreaded MCAT’s.

Meanwhile, Hester calls to order the first summit meeting of the Green Meanies, in which we finally discover who did what, as well as who would kill the remainder of the intended targets. Dr. Cascade was revealed to have the highest body count, by far, having taken out to date, “Wolf Lady,” Tyler, Randall, Chanel Pour Homme, Chanels 9 and 11, and all of the Hamiltons at the Halloween party.

Wes was the runner-up, having killed Sheila, Chamberlain and Chad Radwell, and unsuccessfully having attempted to kill Chanel #5 and Denise, as well as being responsible for poisoning the apples at the party all the Hamiltons were at, which accounted for them being at the hospital in the first place.

Hoffel brought up the rear, having helped Dr. Cascade with Chanel #9, and being responsible for Chanel #10 and Slade Hornborn. This left only the main three Chanels, as well as new recruits, Chanels 7 & 8 and Munsch. Apparently, Dr. Holt escaped their wrath, perhaps because of his own murderous tendencies. All that was left was for them to decide who killed who to wrap things up once and for all.

Scream Queens 6

Naturally, a row broke out over who got to kill Chanel in particular, with Hoffel particularly determined to do so, given that Chanel was directly responsible for the death of her sister. However, Wes also wanted to kill Chanel, being as how she had driven his daughter Grace to a mental institution. Ultimately, Hester and Dr. Cascade sided with Hoffel, as she had the better reasons for wanting Chanel dead- avenging the death of her sister- much to Wes’ chagrin.

In addition, all concerned were dubious of Dr. Cascade wanting Chanel #3, being as how they knew he was into her, but he insisted he could get the job done. Ultimately, Hoffel gets Chanel, Dr. Cascade gets Chanel #3 and Wes gets the rest. Of course, no sooner does Dr. Cascade dodge the bullet of saving Chanel #3, than she confronts him about stopping his killing altogether, even after he points out it won’t stop if he does, as there are other Green Meanies out there.

What’s more, he also admits that he’s a little scared of his mother’s reaction to all this, given that it was her idea in the first place. Chanel #3 demands that they go and talk to her together, in hopes of putting a stop to all of this madness. Dr. Cascade begrudgingly agrees, but it’s clear he knows that this won’t end well.

Dr. Holt attempts to help Chanel study for the MCAT’s, but it’s clear that the only way she is possibly going to pass is if she cheats. This doesn’t go over well with Brock, who promptly tries to strangle Chanel yet again, this time without the excuse of a rogue hand to fall back on. As such, Chanel doubts for their future together, for obvious reasons, though Hoffel offers some advice to that end, and attempts to “help” her by telling her all the answers on the test are ‘B’!

Scream Queens 8

Hoffel also continues to make blatant mistakes, going so far as to fill up a hydrotherapeutic tub with frying oil, with the intention of killing Chanel with it, right in front of her- to say nothing of inviting her to take a dip in it later on. Dr. Holt makes a mistake of his own by soliciting advice from Hester about his reasons for wanting to kill Chanel, who uses the opportunity to seduce him, right on top of a recently deceased patient!

Meanwhile, Wes takes out Chanel #7 by leaving a plate of her favorite snack, Snickerdoodles, on the floor and choking her to death with a wire from above, as he lurks inside the ceiling above. Chanel #5 discovers her, with Munsch and Dr. Arthur arriving soon after. Chanel #5 follows Munsch’s lead to explain away the murder as a heart attack, as Munsch fakes (?) a fainting spell to distract him. Munsch tells Chanel #5 to call the authorities and take the body to her “special morgue,” aka the swamp to dispose of it, as Dr. Arthur sees to her condition.

Wes chases down Dr. Cascade and tries to sell him on an alliance, pointing out that the cops will double down on their efforts to find the killer, and that Hoffel would almost certainly throw Dr. Cascade under the bus as the obvious suspect, given who his mother was. In exchange for his getting to kill Chanel, Wes offers to back Dr. Cascade up and help him to frame Hoffel for all the murders in question. Dr. Cascade agrees to these terms- or so it would seem.

As we see that Jane has Zayday held hostage at the bottom of a well hidden underneath her bed at her house, her son arrives with Chanel #3 in tow to plead their case for his stopping the murders while they were ahead. (Zayday also realizes that Dr. Cascade is the son, after overhearing them talking.) Jane balks at their argument, saying that she knows exactly who Chanel #3 is, and that’s she’s not good enough for her son.

Scream Queens 7

Despite a persuasive plea from Chanel #3 for both herself and why the murders should stop, ultimately Dr. Cascade sides with his mother, leaving her heartbroken. Jane points out that, what with Chanel #3 knowing his identity, she’ll naturally have to be killed for real this time, and Dr. Cascade reluctantly agrees. But will he actually follow through on it, or was he just putting up a front for his mother’s benefit?

The “other” TV doctors get wind of Dr. Lovin’s plans to stage a live surgery and plot to do one of their own, necessitating that the show move the surgery up to the next morning, come hell or highwater. If the Chanels can’t pass their MCAT’s that evening, then they can’t legally participate, so Munsch makes arrangements for them to take them.

Knowing it will never happen without cheating, Chanel and Chanel #3 solicit help from Dr. Holt and Cascade to do just that, by wearing hidden earpieces, which connect to microphones worn by the latter to feed them the answers to the test on the sly. Meanwhile, poor Chanel #5, as per usual, is left to fend for herself.

In the end, all the girls pass, with Chanel #5 garnering the highest score- only three points away from a near-perfect one, in fact, but naturally, no one cares about this impressive feat, despite her being the only one who didn’t cheat. Hoffel is pissed, as is Wes, who immediately puts together a poisonous concoction to give to Chanel in her coffee on the sly the next morning.

Scream Queens 2

Alas, ultimately it is Dr. Lovin who drinks it, falling down dead on the spot, just after giving Chanel a pep talk when she proves nervous about her TV debut. Dr. Holt, whose name was on the cup, denies leaving it, but Dr. Lovin’s producer says it could be anyone who killed her, as everyone not-so-secretly hated her, and decides that the show must go on without her.

Chanel, taking the lead, basically muscles in over everyone else to narrate the proceedings, often undercutting Dr. Holt and interrupting him at near every turn, which doesn’t go over well with him, though he lets it slide- for now. The surgery goes off without a hitch, and TV history is made- and a star is born in the Chanels, whose popularity skyrockets online, leading Dr. Lovin’s producer to make them an offer to take her place immediately.

Naturally, the Green Meanie killers are besides themselves, but especially Wes, who cops to going rogue to Hoffel and trying to kill Chanel. It turns out that Dr. Cascade has opted to side with Hoffel after all, and Wes realizes they plan to kill him to make it look like the Green Meanie killer died by accident, so that the Chanels’ guard will be down, thus making killing them that much easier.

Taking matters into his own hands, Wes basically kills himself by falling backwards into the tub of frying oil that Hoffel set up with the original intention of giving Chanel a taste of her own medicine. Shortly thereafter, Munsch and Dr. Arthur come in and find Wes dead, and Munsch passes out yet again, for real this time.

When she comes to, she finally admits to everyone about her incurable disease, and tells them she has maybe a month to live. On the bright side, the hospital passed Dr. Arthur’s inspection and he drops the case against them, so that bullet is dodged for now, and with the killer seemingly dead, everyone breathes a little easier, save maybe Chanel #3, who knows the other killer is still alive and well.

Scream Queens 006

This was a really fun episode, bolstered by an amusing and unexpected turn by the legendary Brooke Shields, who made the most of her brief appearance, sending up the likes of Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil and other such “TV doctors.” The Green Meanie summit was another highlight, with Lea Michele shining in her scenes there and later on with John Stamos, as she seduced him over a patient’s dead body.

I also continue to be charmed by the hapless Chanel #5, with Abigail Breslin winningly flustered throughout, despite the fact that she actually proved to be the smartest of all the Chanels, having passed the MCAT’s on her own merits. As per usual, Emma Roberts made the most of her role as well, with her hostile takeover of the live surgery proceedings.

All in all, a worthy penultimate episode of the show, IMHO. Can’t wait to see who’s left standing next week, but there needs to be at least one major killing for it to stick, especially since the series’ fate has yet to be determined, which means it may not make it another season. As such, the next episode may serve as the last, so it really needs to deliver the goods this time.

As per usual, we end with a list of the songs featured in the episode- this time the show dipped back into the 70’s for inspiration, which makes sense, given the presence of Shields- as well as my favorite quotes. Thanks for reading!

Scream Queens 9

Song List

“Dream Weaver”– Gary Wright (as Chanel sees Dr. Lovin walk up)

“Fame”– David Bowie (as everyone prepares for the televised surgery)

Scream Queens 16

Favorite Quotes

Chanel #5, after the girls find telltale signs the Green Meanie left behind in a hospital room: “I get why the Green Meanie would fill this bed with swamp goo- I mean, totally in his milieu- but the Kappa stuff…? Very out of character, very two years ago.”

Chanel, as the Green Meanies chase her: “I don’t want to die in this outfit!”

Chanel #3, after Arthur Annenburg lists his credentials in excessive detail: “Do you also have a PhD in bragging, Dr. Annenburg?”

Chanel, on her and the other Chanels’ medical aspirations: “We want to be TV doctors, not real doctors!”

Hoffel, after Wes tries to call dibs on killing Chanel: “Oh, go suck a hot fart!” (Eeew.)

Scream Queens 17

Chanel #3, laying down the law to Dr. Cascade: “If you want to be my boyfriend, then you have to stop killing people, which, honestly, makes me the most super low maintenance [girlfriend]… Look, I know you’re hot and you’re a doctor, so you might think you’re a catch, but most girls are not gonna be into the whole ‘raised to be a revenge killer’ thing. It’s like having one of those tribal tattoos around your bicep- it’s a deal-breaker.”

Hoffel, pointing out the obvious: “Chanel, have you ever asked yourself why so many people want to murder you?”
Chanel: “No. Look, the point is that, if Brock still wants to kill me, I don’t think I can go out with him anymore.”

Hester, when Dr. Holt asks her why she hasn’t reported a patient as deceased yet: “I like taking advantage of having access to a fresh corpse.”

Jane, pointing out Chanel #3’s faults to her son: “She describes herself on Facebook as ‘pansexual,’ which, as far as I can tell, is just ‘bisexual’ for Millenials who want even more attention. And don’t even get me started on the earmuffs.”

Chanel #3, pointing out the faults in Jane’s plan: “You’re mad at architecture and geography. It would be like murdering all the guests at a Hilton Hotel, just because you got bummed out listening to Paris’ awful song.”

Chanel #5, lamenting the fact that she passed the MCAT’s with a near-perfect score without cheating: “I’m a genius and no one cares!” (Priceless delivery here from Abigail Breslin, still the show’s most undervalued secret weapon IMHO.)

Scream Queens 1

Chanel, explaining her goals to Dr. Lovin: “This is all I’ve wanted for, like, year.”
Lovin: “You mean years?”
Chanel: “Uh, no, year. Like one whole year!”
Lovin: “Chanel, don’t you fret your hot, little, rich Kappa head. You are a natural. The camera is going to love you. I don’t know how the camera’s gonna feel about #5, but let’s get out there and make daytime television history by cutting a 16-pound tumor off some dude’s face, all right?” (Even when she’s not in a scene, poor Chanel #5 is still the butt of everyone’s jokes, lol.)

Chanel #3, presenting the patient’s massive tumor to the camera: “Whoa! That’s a lot of tumor! Right, America?”
Chanel: “I can’t stop thinking about how different Garrett’s life is gonna be once the nightmare of tumoriness is over.”

Lovin’s producer, on who might have killed her: “It’s probably one of the P.A.’s she fired for farting. You know she had a rule that you got fired if you farted around her?”

Wes, noting again how hard it is to take down the main Chanels to Dr. Cascade: “I mean, for the love of Pete, those girls could fall into the Grand Canyon and land on the moon. Because they fail upward.”

Wes, after Hoffel and Cascade call him out for trying to kill Chanel, after it was agreed she would: “This isn’t the U.N. We are independent actors, pretending to work for the common interest, but really…really we’re all just worried about getting what is best for us, what we want. (Slightly hesitates.) Okay, maybe that is exactly like the U.N.”

Wes’ final words- or rather word: “Playlist.” (Just perfect! RIP Wes, may you finally find your ultimate playlist in the sky.)

Scream Queens cast

Well, that about does it for now. Join me next week for the big season finale!