On tonight’s “Whitney,” entitled “2 Broke Hearts,” we saw, as the title would suggest, examples of two types of broken hearts. One belonged to the lovely Lily, who hooked up with slow talker Eddie, who had a bad…habit…of…pausing…for extreme lengths of time, prompting the gang to start finishing his sentences rather than wait endlessly for his replies. Hey, that’s one way to pad out 22-odd minutes, I suppose.
Alas, it was not to be, in large part to the fact that Lily was so convinced that he was going to break up with her when he set her aside to talk that she interrupted him at every turn, just as she’d admonished her friends for doing. Unfortunately for her, she was so off the hook crazy in her comments that, after admitting that, in fact, he was going to ask her to move away with him to San Diego, he changed his mind altogether and dumped her. Whoops!
Well, if you ask me, he was pretty annoying and Lily can do way better, homeless and loser-y or not. Whenever I see hot girls on TV that end up with guys like this, I’m like, what the hell? What, was Quasimodo unavailable? Only on TV do girls like this struggle to find a man. Oh well, what are you gonna do?
On the bright side, it is TV, so everything is exaggerated, including geeky girls being that hot. Not that there aren’t hot nerds here and there- looking your way, Comic Con cosplayers- but they don’t tend to look like Lily, much less Olivia Munn or Allison Scagliotti or Meaghan Rath or April O’Neil or, well, you get the idea. Whew! Glad I got that off my chest. Moving on…
Meanwhile, Alex has himself a bad allergic reaction, but why? Could it be Whitney herself?
Whitney: “There is obviously something evil and toxic up in that apartment that is slowly killing you.”
Cue Alex sneezing. But Whitney isn’t having it, of course.
Whitney: “This is ridiculous. You’re not allergic to me. You’ve had most of my body in your mouth.”
So, it’s off to the doctor for a reluctant Whitney, who turns out to have an irregular heartbeat.
Alex: “Don’t worry Whitney. They’re going to find your heart.”
Whitney: “I have a heart. My gym teacher said its right here. (Places hand on her boob.) Do you want to feel my pulse? (Reaches down into her pants.)
Alex is naturally panicked.
Alex: “If you die, I will be devastated…and people will be asking a lot of questions.”
Whitney: “I’m not gonna die. I’m too lazy. Ever since I met you, I have something to live for.
Alex: “Yeah, that’s called not being a sociopath.”
Alex suggests altering her diet, pointing out her affinity for marshmallow Peeps and Jelly Beans: “You eat like the Easter Bunny. Half the ingredients in there are colors.”
Whitney: “Okay…but I love red number five.”
He also points out their lack of exercise: “We’re so lazy that somehow when we have sex, we both find a way to get on bottom.”
Fortunately, it turns out that Whitney s actually fine, and, if anything, her heart has improved over the last five years…which just so happens to be the length of time her and Alex have been dating.
Alex: “You know, I’m glad you feel better, because in the last five years, I’ve developed high blood pressure, I’m partially deaf n my left ear and I lost a lot of money.”
Other cute scenes included RJ’s declaration during a discussion of zoo animals that “I wish I was a panda”; Whitney dancing “Gundam Style” (thank God, they didn’t play the song- I’m sooo over it- hell, even Psy said he was “retiring it”); and the bit with Mark’s undersized, belly-exposing shirt, which led Whitney to hilariously declare “What’s up, Winnie the Pooh?”
Other good lines:
Mark: “You don’t know how sports work.”
Whitney: “Yes I do. In high school, my nickname was ‘Home Run’.”
Lily, on her first time with Eddie: “It was very romantic.”
Mark: “Oh yeah? Let’s see the bruises.”
Roxanne, on how to spice things up in the bedroom: “Handcuffs. You know, so they can’t get away.”
Mark: “What happened to you and when’s it going to happen to me?”
And my hands-down favorite was when they were discussing what music was best for the bedroom, and Mark suggested Bruce Springsteen: “The Boss? I call that a threesome with America.” LOL.
All in all, a decent episode, although that Eddie was hella annoying- almost as annoying as the word “hella.” I’m glad he’s gone, but I’m not sure what it says about Lily that she even considered shacking up with that guy. Ugh.
What did you think of the latest “Whitney”? Did you get a kick out of Whitney’s high school gym flashbacks? How about Eddie’s slow talking? Did Whitney’s eating habits make you want to go out and secure some Peeps, stat? Let me know in the comments section!