AMERICAN IDOL “Top 11 Results” Review

AMERICAN IDOL “Top 11 Results” Season 10 Episode 21 – So I was gonna start this review out by mentioning how much better the results shows have been this season. No longer the snooze-fests of days of yore, “results day” now more closely resembles an end-of-season spectacle.

I had a whole Hulk Hogan spiel ready. I may still do it. When I calm down.

But let me go here first:

I FREAKING TOLD YOU SO, AMERICA.

This is the zombie apocalypse I warned you about yesterday. And it’s not even really your fault. This, as I said, is the judges’ fault. The fact that every single performer is fawned over and praised and …

Look, if Thia Megia had been called out by the judges for the mistakes she’d made onstage (without being made to admit it later offstage), we wouldn’t have had the debacle we had tonight. Seriously, Casey Abrams was at the very bottom? The guy who has scored—not only with me but with a huge majority of fans—routinely at the top? That is insane. His performance was excellent. If he had gone home …

People talk about Chris Daughtry, or Jennifer Hudson, or Tamyra Gray, or Melinda Doolittle … artists (REAL artists) whose time on the show was cut unmercifully short. Losing an artsy soul—a unique creature—like Casey Abrams—he wouldn’t have even made the American Idol tour—

See? I’m still slightly freaked out. I’m sputtering. With my fingers. My grammar’s gone all to hell. And it’s not because Abrams is even my favorite performer, because he’s not. It’s the fact that an original creative artist can be at risk this early on. I guess it makes the show exciting, sure, but … it’s more than a little baffling. (I already went on my Rob Bolin rant this year. And my Josiah Lemming rant a few years back. Pre-Daemon’s.)

It’s a damned good thing the judges used the save on him. And I guess the tour bus will have to accommodate one extra person, since, according to Seacrest, this means the tour gets all eleven.

(Abrams’ co-contestants all crowded around him in a congratulatory fashion as the show wound to a close—you know, as they kept having to cut sound due to the constant stream of disbelieving profanity that was erupting from his mouth—but you have to wonder how they’ll feel a couple months from now when they all have less space to share whilst touring across America. A tour bus ain’t a mansion, yo.)

And of course this means no more saves for the judges. I can’t help but think they’re relieved that the burden is no longer on them; it’s out of their hands now for the rest of the season. And that just reflects how the judging is this season; less ballsy by a mile. Simon liked to see American Idol contestants squirm.

I can almost guarantee you that Abrams’ fans will pony up the votes next week and he won’t even be in the bottom two. It’s how some voters are; they have a favorite, but they believe he or she is safe for a week so they go “help out someone else” (usually a secondary or third favorite) … and Bam.

What else happened tonight? Uh. J-LO’s husband Marc Anthony in trouble with his wife blah blah blah. Stevie Wonder playing on even when the piano stage stopped moving halfway through the song blah blah blah. Steven Tyler’s birthday blah blah blah. Sugarland’s lead singer looking like a pastel-hued, shoulderpadded refugee from the 80′s blah blah blah.

Hulk Hogan.

…

Hulk Hogan?!

Alrighty. But even an appearance by the Hulkster paled (HAH!) by comparison to the Casey Abrams vote. Yes, even Ryan Seacrest getting chucked into the crowd (his payment for yesterday’s energetic show perhaps?) was second-page news once that final vote came down.

Next week: James Durbin gets voted off.

Just kidding.

I think.

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